Friday, 11 July 2014

Defence Minister

Mrs Jane Grange is the Nilkawtian Defence Minister, an avid coffee consumer, and the wife of Doctor Henley Grange, the Nilkawtian Foreign Minister.

Mrs Grange was formerly the manager of a very large Australian abattoir.  She is the current heir to a vast Australian cattle, sheep, camel, goat, crocodile, asylum seeker and wine exporting business.  She is a sharp shooter, a sharp dresser and a sharp talker.  Mrs Grange is also a noted mining industry expert.

In her spare time, Mrs Grange enjoys adding to her already large collection of stolen songlines.  As a part-time rock vocalist in Australian hotels, national parks and mining locations, Mrs Grange has been known to attack notes and complaints quite severely.

Regardless of what she happens to be wearing, and where she happens to be in the world, Mrs Grange insists that she takes her duties as Nilkawt's Defence Minister very seriously indeed.  She insists on being called Mrs rather than Ms, mainly due to the fact that the latter reminds her too much of mosquitoes.   In all circumstances relating to religious matters, Mrs Grange insists on being referred to as Mr Grange or Great Goddess.

Recent investigations by an Australian citizen-journalist have required Mrs Grange to lower her profile, her hemline and the heels of her shoes.  However, she refuses to compromise on her neckline and waistline.

Mrs Grange never co-operates with television and radio journalists with line in the titles of their broadcasts.  Nor will Mrs Grange accept invitations to be interviewed by apologists for misogynists and other strange bigots.

It is no secret to the Nilkawtians that Doctor and Mrs Grange have rarely been seen in public together, or even separately, in the past few months.  There has been no indication from the couple that they have officially separated.

There has, however, been some speculation that Mrs Grange is an undercover, belligerent double agent in the Abbott War on the Arts and Atmosphere.  The Government of Nilkawt refuses to acknowledge, confirm or deny such gossip.  All further requests for information on this subject should be referred to the Australian Commonwealth Attorney-General or someone associated with his minor department.