Thursday, 7 August 2014

Bank of Nilkawt

The financial system of Nilkawt is the most secure in the world. It is a perfect balance of inputs and outputs, supervised in a celebratory fashion by a small coterie of friends who apparently run the central bank of Nilkawt whilst out on a golf course somewhere.  There are no golf courses in Nilkawt.

The bank itself is known both colloquially and officially as the Ethereal Bank.  Through the bank, all of Nilkawt's international philanthropy is expressed, as well as its numerous national interests.

The four friends who mainly run the bank are Mr Conman Commonwealth, Mr Watchout Westpac, Mr Nabbit Ennay-Bee, and Mr Moneybags A. Enzed.  They have kindly parked all of their surplus personal and family funds into the Ethereal Bank in lieu of salaries, hoping to obtain some very large bonuses for themselves by the end of this financial year.  

If you wish to place your savings somewhere safe, regardless of your current nationality, or the current currency at your disposal, or your possession of a personal safe at home, the Ethereal Bank welcomes any surplus funds you may wish to provide.  This will be subject to the usual terms and conditions concerning the minimum deposit and minimum balance.

The Ethereal Bank of Nilkawt is purely an investment bank.  It carries out no speculation.  It offers no loans.  It offers no financial advice.  Rates of interest are irrelevant to its operations as the bank mainly grows its wealth through Nilkawt's own currency exchange and second-hand goods market. 

At present, one Nilkawtian breath mark ('1), which is also known as the luftpause, is worth $1,000,000 Australian dollars.  The name of the currency derives from musical notation, for obvious reasons.

German persons of substantial means who are currently reminiscing about the Deutsche Mark may be especially keen to convert their surplus funds from euros to the Nilkawtian luftpause at the earliest opportunity.

A minimum deposit of '50 must remain in the account at all times.  This is to ensure that no fees or charges are withdrawn by the bank for no justifiable reason other than to pay large bonuses to the coterie.

Of possible interest to the world's banking community is the fact that the Nilkawtians are currently attempting to oust the four friends from their dominant monetary position.  Suitably qualified persons may therefore wish to gear up for a challenge, with or without the help of their friends.