Friday, 10 October 2014


Tradition maintains that the ethereal Nilkawtian head of state will remain in that position for at least a thousand years, unless abdication is chosen.  After about two thousand years, it is likely that any society would want a different head of state, hence the constitution limits the term of office to 1,101 years, 101 hours and 11 seconds.

The previous head of state had a relatively short term in office, having abdicated after little more than 800 years.  Even so, she still intends to attend many of the ethereal events of the Nilkawtian Social Season, if invited to do so.  She also intends to attend royal events, anywhere else in the world, whether she is invited to attend those events or not.

Although Nilkawt has many laws in place to prevent its traditions becoming completely ridiculous, all Nilkawtians embrace the comfortable certainty and reassuring regularity of official celebrations.  In view of this, the traditional Social Season in Nilkawt still begins on the second Friday in October and lasts until the last Tuesday in March.  It is therefore unlike the traditionally silly British one.

In view of the above, a coronation ceremony is rarely part of the Social Season.  Even so, the most important opening event of the Season usually requires the presence of all the most distinguished members of Nilkawtian society.  They have traditionally participated in a magnificent procession from the Royal Palace in Twaklinton to the Palace of the Parlours, where Parliament sits, and onwards to the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught, where the Constitution of Nilkawt is enshrined in a beautiful, shining shrine.

The procession takes place at 10am on the second Saturday in October every year, including leap years.  At the head of the Constitutional Procession is the Sublime Solar Royal Carriage, in which the head of state and members of the Order of the Charter sit.

Fortunately there are no horses in Nilkawt, as everyone else in the Constitutional Procession is required to walk barefoot behind the carriage, unless presentations of Socially Special Sandals have been made to them by the head of state beforehand.

On the first day of the Season, the day before the Constitutional Procession, all the judges of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught are required to run ceremoniously down the hill from their high offices in full court dress, all the way to the Royal Palace.  Those surviving the Jogging of the Judges Ceremony are then provided with somewhere to recover themselves until the Constitutional Procession begins the following day.  This tradition ensures all the highest judges in Nilkawt remain sufficiently fit for office.

Any judges deemed unsuitable for continuation as judges, whether in a physical, mental, judicial or civic capacity, are subsequently examined publicly, later in the Social Season, by a panel of honourable citizens, carefully selected at random and appointed ceremoniously by the Humour Rights Commissioner.  This process is conducted openly and publicly so that suitable replacements for the retiring judges can then be identified and appointed with egalitarian dignity, in accordance with equitable tradition.

Attendance at many other events of the Social Season is strictly by invitation only.  This exclusivity is maintained to ensure all attention-seeking persons and inadequately respectful media personnel are kept away. 

All the most highly prized invitations for the most exclusive occasions of the Social Season are sent out on behalf of the Nilkawtian head of state during the third week of January each year.  Replies are required by the last day of February, except in a leap year, when replies are not required at all.

The Nilkawtians have traditionally avoided all displays of conspicuous poor taste. In keeping with Nilkawtian tradition, therefore, no events of the Social Season are permitted to be sponsored by corporate entities.

Also in keeping with the elegantly egalitarian aspects of the Nilkawtian Social Season, there are no charity balls to attend.  Social extravagances in other parts of the world have been known for the condescending self-indulgence of overly wealthy persons rather than for encouraging widespread, enlightened philanthropy.