Wednesday, 23 December 2015

Refreshingly Responsible Retreats

Effective measures are in place to ensure every retreat provided in Nilkawtian territory is refreshingly responsible.

Unlike tourists, who usually wish to travel around and enjoy the culture and scenery during their time in Nilkawt, retreatants usually desire to be free of most activity and change, at least for a while.

Unlike business persons, who usually wish to profit financially from their time in Nilkawt, retreatants usually want to forget about money completely, at least for a while.

Unlike students, who usually wish to complete their educational and training requirements successfully in Nilkawt, retreatants merely wish to learn more about themselves, if possible.

Unlike job seekers, who mainly wish to find rewarding employment in Nilkawt, retreatants want to forget about the stresses of work and other responsibilities for a while, or forever.

Unlike politicians, who are often unsure about what they want, retreatants want some time away from politics.

Unlike diplomats, who have responsibility mainly for maintaining peace, retreatants just want peace.

All retreats in Nilkawt are run responsibly to ensure safety, security and privacy are maintained satisfactorily.  The accommodation is always simple yet quiet and comfortable.  The food is fresh and delicious and never too much or too little.  There are also a few gentle rules in place, to ensure that all retreatants respect the needs of all other retreatants sufficiently.

All leaders of retreats in Nilkawt are highly trained practitioners in the art of peaceful living.  They do not intrude into the space of the retreatants but merely guide where necessary.

A retreat in Nilkawt is an individual experience.  There are no group activities.  There is no peer pressure.  There is very little conversation.  For most of the time there is silence.

The rhythms of nature mark the passing of time each day.  There is time to reflect.  There is time to walk and breathe and listen to the self and the Earth.  There is time to read and time to write and time to delight in just being alive.

Before being eligible to attend a retreat in Nilkawt, it is necessary to attend a digital pre-retreat experience in the virtual vicinity of Villa Twaklinilkawt in Adelaide.

Monday, 23 November 2015

Legislation Design Authority

If form is meant to follow function, it is perplexing to the Nilkawtians that most societies provide far too many forms for citizens to fill to fulfil anyone's basic needs.  Forms in Nilkawt are always for the function of enlightenment, as are all forms of form.

In most societies, legislation is usually cobbled together by persons ill equipped to understand the basic principles of good design.  In Nilkawt, whenever there is confusion regarding the design of legislation, there is a constitutional crisis.  In fact, there was such a crisis quite recently.

Dealing with any sort of crisis is primarily the responsibility of the Nilkawtian Political Reform Commission, at least whenever a future crisis occurs in Nilkawt itself.  There was no such commission in Nilkawt until quite recently.

It is a constitutional duty of all Nilkawtians to provide themselves with a beautiful political system.  They have, of course, always done so, including quite recently.

The legislation for the development of a Legislation Design Authority was established quite recently under the supervision of the Nilkawtian Minister for Peace and Justice, who was herself appointed quite recently.

The world had never known about the uncommon law of Nilkawt, until quite recently.

The Legislation Design Authority is responsibility for ensuring no political and judicial crises occur in Nilkawt in the present or future.  The design aspects of both legislation and authority are to be considered by the Authority.

No-one has yet been appointed to the Legislation Design Authority.


Further relevant information


New cabinet

Recording reactions

Minister for Natural Limitations and Sustainable Trade

Events in the Thrown Room

Sublime Secretariat

Compassion in Cupateeunkaique


Tuesday, 3 November 2015

Twaklinton Academy of Science, Technology and Engineering

As with any beautiful, historically significant city, there is little accommodation available for ordinary citizens in the magnificent centre of Twaklinton and even in the graceful inner suburbs.  Sophisticated holiday apartments, quaintly charming holiday cottages and luxurious hotels feature prominently. 

There are buildings owned by exclusive, private clubs and prestigious professional associations, with temporary accommodation facilities for their members and guests.  There are quaint colleges with residential hostels for short-term students.  There are historic inns for legal professionals.

In addition, there is the royal palace, Palazzo Twaklinilkawt, with its private suites and holiday pavilions.  There are the royal hospitals with their highly awarded wards.  There is the Royal School of Hospitality and Interior Decoration with its experimental guest houses.  There are also, quite obviously, the architecturally-designed villas of the rich.

Then there is the Twaklinton Academy of Science, Technology and Engineering.  It has variable dwellings for its members to rent.  The most senior members have access to mathematical mansions, in accordance with their special knowledge.  Relatively junior members are provided with geometrically elegant, terraced townhouses on a space-time continuum of quality.

Experts in the life sciences additionally have access to the Investigative Gardens.

Researchers in the physical sciences additionally have access to the Grand Halls of Gadgetry.

Investigators in the social sciences additionally have access to the Mathematical Assembly Rooms.

Everyone in the academy, or TASTE as it is usually known, has access to the academy's own kitchens, libraries and dining establishments.  Only the most distinguished members have access to the academy's official archives.

Most visitors to Nilkawt, whether as tourists or students, or on business, wish to participate in the tours and other public activities of TASTE.  Visitors not wishing to participate in any of the activities of TASTE are usually treated with suspicion.  Well-reasoned curiosity and good taste are absolute priorities in Nilkawtian society.


More about science in Nilkawt


Background:  Enlightenment minister

A former minister for arts and sciences

Current minister for science, arts and enlightenment

Humour rights commissioner

Treasury

Independent commissioners against corruption

Levels of government

Minister for natural limitations and sustainable trade

Investment opportunities

Uncommon law

Management of land

Most enlightened nation status

Office of statistical enlightenment

Chief secretary of global communications


More about housing in Nilkawt


Minister for housing

Minister for natural limitations and sustainable trade

Neighbourhood relations


More about Twaklinton and Nilkawt


A former foreign minister

A former environment minister

Local government

Traditions

Constitutional crisis

Restoration of the money key

System of honours

Immigration review

Events in the thrown room

Constitutional reform

Sublime secretariat

Foolya Biennale


Monday, 2 November 2015

Diplomatic Gifts

The giving and receiving of gifts is often an embarrassing experience.  This particularly applies in the field of diplomacy.  In fact, the field of diplomacy often has much in common with a battlefield behind the scenes.

If you are eager to provide a diplomatic gift to Nilkawt, there is a strict protocol in place concerning donations, gifts and bequests.

Initially, you will be required to provide:

1.  A full description of the item you wish to supply, the reasons for doing so, and the additional sum you will provide to cover the ongoing costs for the display, protection and preservation of the item.

2.  A full description of the proposed gift your country wishes to receive in return from Nilkawt and why your government or head of state wishes to acquire that item.

3. Your digital diplomacy credentials.

Please note that the Nilkawtian head of state has no desire to acquire material gifts of a personal nature.  Her Illustrious Highness therefore does not accept items for her personal use though she is occasionally willing to auction valuable items for philanthropic purposes.

Tuesday, 27 October 2015

Foolya Biennale

At the same time as the Nilkawt Festival of Philanthropy occurs in Cupateeunkaique, the Foolya Biennale takes place mainly in Fact.  In fact, Fact is the main town in the county of Foolya.

As with any Biennale, the exhibits in Fact give new meaning to otherwise ordinary elements.  Beyond Fact, there are additional events and launches in Spectacle, another of the Foolya towns.

There is a folk art festival concurrently in Spectacle, in the BuyFolk Hall, with many craft items and amateur artworks for sale.  The folk art festival is called The BuyinEarly.

Craft items with a high level of artistic skill are usually available for sale in the Double Vision Fantasy Arcade.  Most are usually subsequently sold at highly inflated prices in the shops and galleries of Elegantshire. 

For amateurs wishing to become professionals, there are chances to enter exhibits, for a small fee, in the My Hope Year display in the village hall in Rubbish. 

Arts professionals are expected to display their work in the main Biennale pavilions.  In the Foolya Biennale, there are many pavilions in which to display artworks.  These are permanent structures.  They are usually used to house low-income Nilkawtian artists.

During the Biennale, the usual artists in residence, who are not usually known as artists-in-residence but as resident artists in Fact, are ousted from their permanent accommodation temporarily so that the rooms and gardens can be used purely for artistic purposes.  Short-term rental of the spaces as galleries, in addition to entry fees, commissions from sales of the artworks on display, and fees for promotional, catering and other visitor uses of the facilities, usually cover all the living costs of the usually-resident artists for at least three years ahead.

The artists usually in residence, meanwhile, are housed temporarily, at public expense, in a luxurious, exclusive arts resort on the outskirts of Address, another of the Foolya towns.  The artist in question cannot usually afford to display their own artworks at the Biennale. 

They are additionally usually ineligible to display their art works in the BuyFolk Hall and Double Vision Fantasy Arcade in Spectacle due to the uselessness of the items they produce.  And as they consider themselves to be professionals, all artists usually in residence have, at least at some stage of their lifetimes, claimed to receive an income in return for producing at least one work of art.  They are, therefore, ineligible to present their works in the My Hope Year display in Rubbish.

The arts resort, Patronage, also provides guest rooms exclusively for eligible Australian talent scouts, literary agents, art dealers, arts critics, opera directors and film producers, subject to visa considerations and the ability to pay.  The Patronage facilities may be booked all year round, subject to availability. 

Please note that there are no credit card facilities in Nilkawt, even when wishing to buy a masterpiece or extend a visa.

Beyond Foolya, in the Nilkawtian capital city of Twaklinton, the Twaklinnale takes place simultaneously in and around the royal palace.  The glittering, invitation-only opening event of the Twaklinnale is a celebration of the excellent, Nilkawtian non-alcoholic beer and the traditional, surprisingly creamy, non-alcoholic Nilkawtian ale. 

The Twaklinnale also celebrates the delicious, traditional organic Nilkawtian vegan sausages, the traditional organic Nilkawtian herb breads, olive oil, salads, raw and cooked onions and beautiful music.  The celebration is popularly known as the beer and ale event, especially by persons unable to obtain an invitation.


Biennale pre-booking details


Local government

Grand closing

Election results

Minister for Peace and Justice

Constitutional duties

Further industrial development


Friday, 23 October 2015

Compassion in Cupateeunkaique

Nilkawtians are known for their compassion, at least whenever their minds are healthy.  The maintenance of healthy minds is fortunately enshrined in the Constitution of Nilkawt.  This ensures Nilkawtian society can remain the most compassionate in the world.

The Nilkawtian county of Cupateeunkaique is the global heart of compassion.  Persons with unhealthy minds are usually removed from Cupateeunkaique as soon as their ill health is discovered.  Appropriate remedies are administered immediately in a secure facility in the county of Dada, not just to mentally unhealthy persons but to anyone likely to have been psychologically contaminated by distress.

Psychological assessments are necessary in many areas of Nilkawtian social life, hence all Nilkawtians have been trained in the rudiments of clinical psychology.  It is for this reason that rudeness is never tolerated in Nilkawt except for legitimate, dramatic purposes.

Persons possessing inadequate compassion, whether sober or inebriated, are usually prevented from entering Nilkawtian territory.  Earlier trauma is no excuse for nastiness.  Earlier experience as a victim of bullying never justifies aggression.  Ignorance is no excuse for abuse.  Irritability should be expressed only through beautiful art and courteous dialogue.

Within Cupateeunkaique there are plenty of supportive advocacy services.  There are plenty of lovely places in which to relax.  There are plenty of meaningful events through which to express love and support and kindness.

All the training services within Cupateeunkaique teach and express compassion through effective altruism.  Nilkawtians successfully completing that training, as well as the trainers themselves, provide outreach services throughout the world.

All products sold in Cupateeunkaique include embedded generosity.  All registered philanthropic activities throughout Nilkawt are, in addition, suitably monitored to ensure the funds are spent appropriately.

Providers of professional services anywhere in Nilkawt or Australia are encouraged by the Nilkawtian head of state to offer pro bono services wherever and whenever appropriate.  Her Illustrious Highness does so herself on a regular basis, setting the standard of compassion for all citizens, residents and visitors to follow. 

All Nilkawtians are encouraged to lead by the example set by the ethereal grand duchess.  They are permitted to do so within Nilkawt, within Australia, and within any other location for that matter. 

Generosity is especially encouraged by Her Illustrious Highness during the biennial Nilkawt Philanthropy Festival, which occurs in Cupateeunkaique during the Nilkawtian social season in odd years, usually in mid December.


More about Cupateeunkaique


Local government

Grand closing

Political Reform Commission

Constitutional duties

Sublime Secretariat

Thursday, 22 October 2015

Business in Backoutshire

The county of Backoutshire has always been open for business even though it has long had a reputation for mines closing down, factories closing down and shops closing down.  There has also been a long history of business partnerships breaking down in Backoutshire.  These have usually occurred when at least one of the parties to a proposed contract has backed out at the last minute.

All the extractive building materials for the entire area of Nilkawt have originated in Backoutshire.  The soon-to-be semi-abandoned, industrial-scale biogas plant is in Backoutshire.  All the back-up energy generation facilities are in Backoutshire.  Wind farms are now scattered throughout the Backoutshire countryside.

All the past and present Nilkawtian waste dumps and main recycling facilities are in Backoutshire.  The three Nilkawtian sewage treatment works are all in Backoutshire.  The lowest budget accommodation for tourists is in Backoutshire.

The lowest-cost training facilities are in Backoutshire, as are the cheapest, least original and relatively uninspiring venues for hospitality.  Most of the major food processing facilities in Nilkawt are in Backoutshire, including the main cannery.  The poorer quality agricultural land in Nilkawt is also in Backoutshire.

Backoutshire is the location of several of the official and semi-official second-hand goods markets in Nilkawt.  The lowest-cost health care facilities are also in Backoutshire, as are the cheapest houses to rent.

Investment advice


Business

Local government

Grand closing

Constitutional duties

Further industrial development


Environment - history

Energy, upkeep and equal opportunities - history

Food and agriculture - history


Investment opportunities

Traditional official ribbons

Trade and Investment Commissioner

Wednesday, 21 October 2015

Shopping in Elegantshire

As relatively wealthy tourists visiting the county of Elegantshire in Nilkawt will undoubtedly testify, there is no better place in the world for shopping.  The graceful retail spaces in the main towns of the county are so remarkably beautiful that no-one could ever be in any doubt that truly prestigious purchases are to be found there and no-where else.

Business travellers in Nilkawt are also likely to be aware of the remarkable quality and gorgeous designs to be found exclusively in Elegantshire.  There are unique boutiques, astoundingly remarkable art galleries, resplendent bookshops and sumptuous shoe shops.

Any visitor to Elegantshire is likely to be able to locate authentic purveyors of rare and exquisite antiques, gracious gourmet grocery suppliers, sophisticated retailers of opulent home furnishings, bespoke tailors, and the very best makers of graceful fine furniture.

As there are no mail order services within Nilkawt, all purchases must initially be made in person.  Discounts are illegal throughout Nilkawt.  In addition, in Elegantshire, in particular, there are no bulk purchases permitted.

There are no retail franchises or chain stores in Elegantshire, or anywhere else in Nilkawt for that matter.  Nor are there, fortunately, any department stores or supermarkets.  All vendors in Elegantshire are highly knowledgeable specialists.

Please note that there are strict rules of etiquette within Elegantshire.  Penalties for breaches include fines, imprisonment and/or banishment.

The grand parks throughout Elegantshire are described as export parks.  In fact, the shops themselves are situated within dignified squares and semi-circles within and between those parks. 

All products and features are displayed in Elegantshire with classical grandeur.  Everyone employed in Elegantshire supplies impeccable, understated service.   Employees consider themselves to be fortunately to work amongst the tasteful fountains, graceful statues, well-proportioned footpaths, the graciously provided seating and attractive trade pavilions.

The facilities for refreshments and personal comfort within Elegantshire are themselves of the highest standard.  All aspects of the county are, indeed, in keeping with the harmonious ensemble, visually, musically and through all the senses.


Plan a visit to Elegantshire


Business

Tourism

Local government

Trade and Investment Commissioner

Chargés d'affaires ad interim

Tuesday, 20 October 2015

Austrooliana Club

Although all land in Nilkawt is owned by the state, there are many facilities for private residential purposes, private business purposes, semi-private community purposes, public official purposes and assorted social purposes.

The Austrooliana Club is a private and highly exclusive entity.  It combines a garden club, an anti-flirt club, a literary club and a medical research institute, with a few of the features of a country club.

As flirting is now only permitted in Nilkawt in designated zones, with a strictly enforced system of permits, the anti-flirt requirement for membership of the Austrooliana Club is often taken for granted.  Traditions remain strong in the club and there is a long waiting list for membership.

Professional, undercover flirting has been an effective tool of diplomacy for the Nilkawtians over many years, enabling the establishment of authentic relationships around the world with relative ease.  Even so, many former Nilkawtian diplomats are members of the Austrooliana Club.

There are no secret societies in Nilkawt.  There are no sporting clubs.  There are no poetry reading contests.  There are no beauty pageants.  There are no non-royal award ceremonies.  There are no nightclubs.  There is no drunkenness.

For reasons of gender equality and decorum, membership of the Austrooliana Club is limited to one hundred and fifty gentlemen and four hundred and twenty-five ladies.  Membership fees are obviously high, as are the charges for even the simplest of club services.  The dress code is formal and no-one associated with the club, inside Nilkawt or abroad, would ever be so rude as to wear a scent.

The county of Austrooliana has six provinces:  Brismel, Sydbris, Persyd, Meldar, Hobcan and Adeper.  The Austrooliana Club is situated mainly in Persyd though part of it extends into Meldar.

There is much contention within the club at present about the encroachment of industrial development into the once beautiful landscapes of Austrooliana.  Several of the wealthier members are encouraging the encroachment as sources of local employment and government revenues.  Those members have little interest in gardening, literature or assisting their fellow Nilkawtians to relax. 

The opposing members wish to continue beautifying the club and extend its territory into the surrounding countryside.  They have, in addition, accused one or two of the wealthy male members of flirting with the club's two lady librarians.  The garden enthusiasts have come into conflict with the local farmers, most of whom do not wish to have their fields transformed into pleasure gardens.

In view of the ongoing conflicts, there have been calls for the relevant minister to intervene.


Further information about the county of Austrooliana can be found within the following references:


Local government

Restoration of the money key

Minister for Peace and Justice

Further industrial development

Monday, 19 October 2015

Certification of Credibility

In non-digital environments, protocol requires an ambassador to present a letter of credence upon becoming officially employed in ambassadorial activities in a particular territory.  The letter itself is from the respective head of state to the host head of state.

In the digital sphere, diplomatic accreditation usually refers to an ambassador-at-large rather than an ambassador-in-residence, at least technically.  Yet every ambassador requires somewhere to reside, even temporarily.

Credentials are often considered important in the 21st century. In digital diplomacy, a head of state gives an Internet Protocol address to the global diplomatic corps.  This is presented as a way to link the digital certification of credibility to the World Wide Web of digital international relations.

The digital certification of credibility is usually difficult for anyone to verify. A reputation in the digital world means little at all in terms of integrity.  The source code is all important.

Thursday, 15 October 2015

Laws Against Trespassers and Other Nuisances

To trespass in Nilkawt is a serious offence.  All land is held by the ethereal grand duchy in perpetuity as the crowning glory of Nilkawtian society.  It is in order to maintain the laws against trespassers and nuisances that visa fees and training fees are uncommonly high, in accordance with the Uncommon Law.

Persons entering Nilkawtian territory by mistake will obviously be required to defend themselves sufficiently.  This embassy therefore aims to provide all the initial warnings to prevent such mistakes from occurring.

Anyone hiking near the Nilkawtian borders without the appropriate paperwork will certainly be challenged if caught by members of the Grand Guard of Kawtiers, or any other Nilkawtians, whether fully clothed or not.  Alleged trespassers will then be brought before the Twaklinian Tribunal of Broader Inspection for dramatically intimidating interrogations.

In addition, this embassy is required to mention that no nuisances are permitted to enter Nilkawt.  In most societies, trespassers and other nuisances cost a great deal of money, time and effort to control.  The Nilkawtians certainly wish to avoid such expense and inconvenience.

All types of land licensing in Nilkawt is clearly marked symbolically on all gates and other boundaries.  This is to ensure tourists stay in tourist areas and business visitors stay in business areas and foreign students stay where they are told to stay and foreign workers stay where foreign workers are meant to stay. 

Private Nilkawtian citizens have the sole right of occupancy and enjoyment of the areas licensed for purely private purposes.  Places licensed as public spaces are the only locations where Nilkawtians and visitors may mingle freely, within the limits of reason decorum. 

Royal areas are managed under strict protocols.  Industrial, agricultural and conservation areas are also licensed under highly managed and carefully supervised procedures.

Peaceful societies make it clear where boundaries exist.  They ensure the public is properly educated about the reasons for various boundaries to exist.  They also make it appropriately clear about the penalties for crossing boundaries without the proper licences and permits.  Force is therefore rarely necessary in Nilkawt.


Further information:


Visiting Nilkawt

Land titles, social titles and entitlements

Hike Kawt challenge

Recording the past

National parks

Natural limitations and sustainable trade

Constitutional duties

Neighbourhood relations

Management of land

Office of Statistical Enlightenment

Tender processes

Further industrial development

Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Chancery Additional Official Offices

Given the large amount of work conducted through this embassy, the front office, in the annex of Villa Twaklinilkawt, here in Adelaide, is only one of the official diplomatic offices of the Nilkawtians in this vicinity.  The chancery has several additional official and unofficial offices in the observation tower of Villa Twaklinilkawt.  These are reached initially by a lift in the back office of the annex, which is obviously situated behind the small front office.

The front office of this embassy is certainly not a front for anything or anyone other than Nilkawt itself as a country and as a society.  Most other diplomatic services, maintained by non-Nilkawtian governments, like their armed services and financial institutions, are mainly for the benefit of front organisations associated with those governments.

The back office of this embassy is mainly used as a store room for copies of official documents, records of account and various application forms.  No cash is stored on the premises.

The lift is to be found behind a curtain at the back or the back office.  It only goes downwards, though fortunately it also moves upwards again after it has reached the bottom.

The lift opens, towards the bottom of the lift shaft, inside a large and busy room.  This is where the Nilkawtian intelligence services are usually based, along with their extensive underground networks of digital technologies and underground railways.

In an easterly direction, under the annex, the underground transport network leads towards Mount Lofty.  The Nilkawtians managed, several years ago, to usurp the power of the previous holders of an extensive network of tunnels and caves.  They did so using a brilliant device for deciphering crypts, scripts and cryptosystems.

In a northerly direction, under the annex, an underground train leads to another lift, taking passengers up to the ground floor of the observation tower itself.  The method of reaching the upper floors of the observation tower is a top level secret revealed only to persons with access to the digital keys.

The entire international diplomatic corps has been wondering for many years how to gain intelligence about Nilkawt.  This digital embassy has obviously been established to assist them in the name of world peace.

Most members of most governments, in most parts of the world, consider anyone more enlightened than themselves to be enemies.  This is most unfortunate.  In fact, such thinking often extends through all areas of their bureaucratic and militaristic hierarchies and into schools and hospitals and even into many homes.  The Nilkawtian intelligent services have been documenting the situation, with much dismay, for many years.

On several upper floors of the observation tower, the chancery of the Embassy of Nilkawt has exclusive use of many facilities.  These areas are out of bounds to all but the official assistants to the ambassador and her staff, hence those rooms are not accessible on an ordinary tour of Villa Twaklinilkawt. 


Further enlightening information about Nilkawt and this embassy


Citizenship

International law

Contractual agreements

Uncommon law

Most enlightened nation status

Office of Statistical Enlightenment

Sublime Secretariat




Tuesday, 13 October 2015

Chief Secretary for Global Communications

Behind the scenes, here in the Embassy of Nilkawt, there is a large contingent of assistants including press officers, publicists, official spokespersons, official speechwriters, official drama coaches, voice coaches, singing teachers, acting professionals, costume designers, wig makers, make-up artists, shoe designers, blog post providers, portrait painters, musicians, photographers, cleaners, caterers, lighting designers, interior decorators, floral art professionals, tea ladies, press attachés, cultural attachés, communications officers, clerical officers, investor relations officers, digital diplomacy technologists and public diplomacy professionals.  These persons all work under the supervision of the chief secretary for global communications, Mr Glen Elgar.

Mr Elgar has been working in his current capacity for the past thirty years.  For much of the time, he has reported directly to two people, namely the ambassador herself and his own private secretary. 

In fact, the current ambassador was originally the private secretary to the chief secretary for global communications, until everyone in the Nilkawtian diplomatic service knew she knew far more about his job than he did.

The chief secretary for global communications is meant to work not only as a supervisor but also as the private secretary to the ambassador.

As a former journalist, Mr Elgar has the ability to write Pitman New Era shorthand with occasional accuracy at 140 words per minute and slightly better accuracy at 80 words per minute.  He still has the ability to use a manual typewriter proficiently at sixty words per minute and incompetently at seventy words per minute. 

Mr Elgar is bilingual, with the ability to communicate fluently in Journalese as well as overly simplified English in both their written and spoken forms.

Mr Elgar's current private secretary is his wife, Jetty.  Mrs Elgar's brother, Doctor Henley Grange, is a former Nilkawtian foreign minister.


Additional references:


Entry Requirements

Head of State

Media

History

Grand Reopening

Constitutional Crisis

Levels of Government

Minister for Arts, Science and Enlightenment

Minister for Brilliance, Prosperity and Pleasant Foreign Relations

Investment Opportunities

Constitutional Reform

Social Season

Monday, 12 October 2015

Chargé d'affaires ad interim

While the ambassador has been performing ceremonial duties in Nilkawt, this embassy in Adelaide has been under the supervision of the deputy ambassador, the current chargé d'affaires ad interim, Bon-Sir Doug Dada of Dada.  Bon-Sir Doug is informally known by the staff here as Bonza, Bonzer or Bonzo Doug, though they are banned from addressing him in that manner whenever there are non-Nilkawtians present.

Bon-Sir Doug was originally the King of Dadadada.  He gave up the title and the territory to the Nilkawtians as a conciliatory gesture after he was caught busking with a banjo and kazoo whilst hitchhiking through the Nilkawtian county of Elegantshire without the required permits.  He has since been banned from all areas of Nilkawt, which is why he has a job at this embassy.

Bon-Sir is the official title given by the Nilkawtians to male deputy ambassadors, past and present.  The title is honorary, like the diplomatic position itself.

In diplomatic circles, Bon-Sir Doug is known as the kissing anarchist.  He even claims he once kissed Henry Kissinger on the lips at Camp David though that is yet to be verified through Wikileaks, or by the Nobel laureate himself.

There have been rumours about Bon-Sir Doug's relationship with Mao Zedong.  It appears, however, that both gentlemen merely enjoyed a mutual interest in the work of Peter Kropotkin, though tongues may still wag.

Mr Kropotkin is now an ethereal mentor to a significant section of the American Republican Party, apparently.  This information may easily be verified through global television broadcasts in the months ahead.

Although, for reasons of hygiene, neither kissing nor anarchy are permitted within Nilkawt, nor in the grounds of Villa Twaklinilkawt, Bon-Sir Doug frequently attends the parlour meant for you dressed as an 18th century duchess.  He usually does so for the sandwiches and cakes rather than the conversations.  He is therefore usually too busy eating to kiss anyone.


Further information:


Felicitation and facilitation

A birthday celebration

Friday, 9 October 2015

Social Season

Today is the first day of the traditional Nilkawtian Social Season.  It is one of the most important days in the social, political and judicial calendar and therefore a significant attraction for tourists.

The crowds have been gathering for hours, with several thousand people camped in the fee-based permit zones overnight for the best views.  The excitement is building.


More information about tourism in Nilkawt

More information about Nilkawtian traditions

More information about Nilkawtian public holidays

Wednesday, 7 October 2015

Health Institutes

Each settlement in Nilkawt has its own health institutes.  It also has its own libraries, its own archives, grocery shops, fruit shops, bakeries, tearooms, hardware suppliers, workshops, tutorial halls, food processing and preservation facilities, transportation services, concert rooms and art galleries.

There are usually at least three health institutes within each Nilkawtian settlement:


Institute of Primary Health


Primary health care in Nilkawt usually involves any scientifically valid attempt to keep everyone safe and healthy.  The importance of primary health care is highly respected and properly supported and funded in Nilkawt.  The services are suitable co-ordinated within and between settlements, through the Nilkawtian Federation of Primary Health Care Institutes.


Institute of Paramedical Practice


Paramedical practice in Nilkawt usually involves any scientifically valid, initial attempt to alleviate illness or injury, aid recovery and intervene in emergencies.  The importance of paramedicine in Nilkawt is also highly respected.  In fact,  completing the training in all aspects of primary health and paramedical practice is necessary in order to attain full Nillkawtian citizenship.



Institute of Emergency Hygiene 


Although the nearest Institute of Primary Health deals with most aspects of hygiene and disease control, there are occasionally emergency situations in which an additional level of knowledge and authority is required.  Institutes of Paramedical Practice do not have the expertise with which to control epidemics and pandemics.  These often require powers of intervention and exclusion. 

Major emergencies require additional co-ordination above the usual, routine level.  Recovering from disasters and other tragedies requires the involvement of support services.  This also applies to persons assisting in difficult situations, who certainly need support themselves, hence the Institute for Emergency Hygiene provides counselling and assistance for anyone involved with primary health care, paramedical practice and the support of anyone experiencing a crisis or ongoing distress. 



Other health institutes


The aforementioned health institutes are all generalist providers of services.  In addition, there are usually at least two specialist health institutes within each settlement.  Guest accommodation in each settlement is usually supplied in association with those specialist institutes.

Throughout Nilkawt, it is possible to find heart care institutes, nerve care institutes, bone care institutes, cartilage care institutes, eye care institutes, ear care institutes, foot care institutes, colon care institutes, lady care institutes, man care institutes, lung care institutes, liver care institutes, etc.

Tuesday, 6 October 2015

Further Industrial Development

Nilkawt is primarily a producer of quaternary services.  It also has an extensive and delicious agricultural sector, as well as a beautiful forestry sector of fine timber and woodland walks to support the fine dining furniture industry and refreshing evening promenades.

There are extensive yet relatively exclusive manufacturing and service sectors to support Nilkawtians and their guests, primarily with niche, boutique and bespoke products of the finest quality.  At the same time, there are several historically-themed pleasure gardens to ensure entertainment, elegance and edification can be magnificently combined through delightfully enlightening experiences of the arts.

The educational sector is fully developed, as is the tourism sector.  There is also full employment and many possibilities for entrepreneurial talents to thrive.

The financial services sector of Nilkawt is neither greedy nor secretive, making it exceedingly unusual on a global level.  On the other hand, most of the foreign services of Nilkawt are highly secretive, especially when conducted through the global entertainment industry.

Official documentation in Nilkawt is highly serious in tone, and particularly so when addressed to foreigners.  Producing beautiful documentation in Nilkawt is an industry in itself.

Unlike other societies, students and juniors are most likely to be well past thirty-five years of age in Nilkawt, whether they are citizens or not.  Even the most inexperienced staff are quite certain to be over the age of forty in Nilkawtian embassies, consulates and on mission launch platforms.  The Nilkawtian youth market is, indeed, far more mature than in other societies.

The central Bank of Nilkawt, officially known as the Ethereal Bank, is devoted to the balanced development of industries in Nilkawtian territory.  The bank is philanthropically devoted to the international development of world peace.

Currency exchange dealing in Nilkawt is usually handled by persons wearing large, orange, wide-brimmed hats.  They can usually be seen, very well indeed, at the various weekend second-hand goods markets.  These are held in the designated industrial zones within the counties of Austrooliana, Backoutshire and Foolya.

The Treasury of Nilkawt is clearly in need of a little more decision-making power to assist with the development of further creative and recycling industries in Nilkawt.  The openness of Nilkawtian information sources appears to imply that this will not be too difficult to achieve with proper assistance from the public.

Although Nilkawt already has an excellent economy and an open system of government, there are frequent reviews of all sorts of Nilkawtian activities to ensure the maintenance of the highest standards of propriety and decorum.  An example of this is the ongoing Financial Services Review.

Official investigators have recently discovered that the Ethereal Bank is both a central bank and an investment bank, and not just an investment bank as was first thought.  The bank has also been unofficially used as a savings bank by the citizens of Nilkawt for many years.  It has even been used by a large number of visitors for similar purposes, some of whom have been acting on behalf of wealthy international investors seeking to enhance their financial position.  The structural aspects of the bank are therefore being investigated further.

Although Australia has a Reserve Bank to act as a central bank and the Big Four Bank to act as it apparently pleases, Nilkawt is likely to diversify its own financial sector as a consequence of the current, distorted, under-reported situation.  The people of Nilkawt want proper control of their own payment systems in order to develop their industries further, and to make it easier for Nilkawtian business owners to acquire further orders and future wealth.

Monday, 5 October 2015

Cultural Industry

Culture has always been a thriving part of every industry in Nilkawt, mostly due to the fact that there have never been any Nilkawtian broadcasting services.  Even foreign broadcasts are not permitted in Nilkawt, at least in public hearing or view.

All non-Twaklinesque culture in Nilkawt is under the supervision of the Humour Rights Commissioner within Nilkawt. 

Twaklinesque cultural activities, whether in Nilkawt or anywhere else in the world, are under the direct supervision of the Nilkawtian Head of State.

Nilkawtian non-Twaklinesque arts and cultural activities to be exported are under the supervision of the Trade and Investment Commissioner outside Nilkawtian territory.

All participants in the cultural industry of Nilkawt are required to be registered.

Friday, 2 October 2015

Royal Duties

The most common requests made to this embassy relate to:

a) The royal duties of the Nilkawtian Head of State

b) The Royal Palace Tour.

c) Nilkawtian neighbourhood relations.


It is therefore most fortunate that Her Illustrious Highness devotes most of her attention towards enhancing interpersonal relationships at the household, neighbourhood and international levels.

If you wish to know more about the royal duties of Her Illustrious Highness and her delegates, do please refer to the following documentation:


1. Digital diplomacy

2. Order of the Charter

3. Traditions

4. System of Honours

5. National flag

6. Constitutional duties

7. Uncommon law

8. Official Ceremony of Ceremonies and Salaries

9. Magnanimity Charter

10. National Anthem

Thursday, 1 October 2015

Tender Processes

To tender for a government contract in Nilkawt, whether at the national or local level, it is necessary to apply for a Tendering Licence before consideration is made.

Tendering Licences always provide the Government of Nilkawt with a substantial assessment guide for all tender processes, as well as a substantial revenue stream.  This is due to the fact that a large amount of information, with various levels of fees, is always required before the licence is issued.

The prospective licensee usually needs to begin by engaging the services of a licensed provider of the relevant legal advice.  This, in itself, usually comes at a significant cost.  There are only a few licensed providers of tender legal advice.  They have the required Tender Legal Licence, which should not be confused with the Legal Tender Licence.

There is much to learn about tendering in Nilkawt.  For example, Mrs Bedbug is a well-known Nilkawtian lady in the tendering industry.  She is also well-known to all budget travellers in Nilkawt.

The lady is far more enterprising than her brother, the former Nilkawtian minister for agriculture.  Even so, the good management of land, infrastructure and society is taken very seriously in Nilkawt.

In Adelaide in Australia recently, the matter of tendering in Nilkawt was discussed in relation to plots.  A plot is just another name for a plan in Nilkawt, even when a situation involves gardening.

Mrs Bedbug is not yet officially known by any other name.  Even so, she is already unofficially referring to herself as Pet Tait O'Sullivan.  She still answers to the name of Petunia if addressed nicely, at least if you understand the plot.

Pet's expertise, and one of her pet projects, involves the advancement of her own knowledge of tendering requirements, of all sorts of governments, at least when the contracts are large enough for her to be bothered to make an effort.  Small contracts do not interest here at all.

Pet's son, Groper Bedbug, is her main, unofficial and unpaid subcontractor.  Her daughter, Frankie, has been her main legal adviser for the past five years.  Frankie also keeps up with her undercover career as a well known Nilkawtian hairdresser.

Frankie, or Francesca as she was once known, is older than her half-brother, Groper.  Her father was a lay priest, quite literally, when the young Petunia was herself, at the age of 15, considering a career either as a hairdresser or as a religious instructor in the Australian Catholic Church.

Fortunately, the soon-to-be Mrs Bedbug already knew the current Mr Bedbug as their mothers were very close cousins.  Pet's father, Pa Tait O'Sullivan, had already managed to conclude a secret and very lucrative agreement with the priest.  He also managed to persuade Mr Bedbug senior, the criminally-inclined husband of his petite sister Pattie, that a potentially valuable old painting from a nearby monastery should mysteriously disappear into the murky global art market.

The funds from the sale of the painting helped to establish the Bedbug family in the Balmain underworld in Sydney for a few years, though Mr and Mrs Bedbug never formally married, at least as far as documentary evidence is concerned.  Meanwhile, Groper was born.  No-one is quite sure who his father may have been as Mrs Bedbug had something of a drinking problem at the time.

Pet, or Petunia, whilst learning from her father, later developed an outstanding standover career in the Australian tendering and tender processing industry.  She did so by sharply undercutting the competition to such an extent that she began to win a large number of government contracts, except the most complicated ones.

She also had a large lottery win.  That meant that Pet could then send her children to the most expensive Australian and English boarding schools.  It was during that time that she decided to establish her tendering business in Nilkawt.

As Pet has never employed anyone directly, she has been able to keep her overhead costs very low indeed.  She is an expert when it comes to providing limited opportunities for subcontractors, thereby taking large fees for her minimal efforts.

Both Frankie and Groper were given every opportunity to obtain the required legal qualifications to intimidate the competition further.  Unfortunately, Groper kept failing the courses as a consequence of his own drinking problem.  That is why he became a subcontractor for various types of substandard work.

Groper has now been deported from Nilkawt for breaching his visa conditions.  He was only meant to be working in Nilkawt temporarily as a cleaning contractor but he rarely did any cleaning at all.

Two years ago, Frankie married one of the most famous Nilkawtian legal services provider, Groper Pope.  They currently have a monopoly on the provision of tender legal services, along with Mr Pope's cousin, the current Nilkawtian Minister for Peace and Justice.

Mr Pope was formerly the Dean of the Matildan School of Physical Education, Legal Traditions and Unjustifiable Wealth Transfers.

There is now an inquiry occurring into the entire Nilkawtian tendering system.

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Wealth Distribution

Nilkawt is one of the world's most elegant and egalitarian societies.  There is no youth unemployment in Nilkawt.  There is no aged care crisis in Nilkawt.  Poverty in Nilkawt only exists as a matter of voluntary choice.

No-one in Nilkawt usually chooses to become wealthy for their own purposes, at least after becoming a Nilkawtian citizen.  Anyone entering Nilkawt for the first time usually brings most of their wealth with them.

There are few opportunities for exploitative practices by anyone within Nilkawt itself, which means that most Nilkawtians in search of wealth are likely to seek it elsewhere.  Being wealthy before entering Nilkawt has long been advisable, especially for tourists.  There are additional non-residency expenses associated with all sorts of fees, levies, taxes and charges in Nilkawt.  In fact, one of the primary fiscal policies of Nilkawt is to transfer wealth from visitors to residents as efficiently as possible.  This is no different from other countries with a tourism industry.

As to be expected, the financial services industry within Nilkawt also has an efficient wealth transfer division, as anyone visiting Nilkawt on a business visa will have soon discovered.  There are commissions for, and on, everything in Nilkawt.

The wealthiest Nilkawtians are usually those with entrepreneurial and philanthropic abilities.  Ordinary Nilkawtian business persons have very little wealth, as is the case in most societies.

One of the most significant entrepreneurial sectors in Nilkawt involves the emotional manipulation of rich, non-Nilkawtian relatives.  The techniques have been perfected by the former Nilkawtian defence minister, Mrs Jane Grange, the estranged wife of Doctor Grange.  Doctor Grange has recently become an expert on voluntary poverty.

At least half of all Nilkawtians have had the privilege of a financially comfortable upbringing elsewhere in the world, with a standard of education well above average.  It is a matter of much speculation whether such an upbringing correlates with an emotionally secure personal development and happy interpersonal experiences, given the subsequent life histories of the individuals in question.

It is, however, well known that the standard of education received in childhood and youth is rarely matched by a person's abilities, or even their interests.  For example, at least 20% of Nilkawtians have had an inadequate education through the Australian schooling system, though it did not prevent them from learning about the world properly at a later age.

As there is no possibility of accumulating real property in Nilkawt, most Nilkawtians own residential properties in other countries, and particularly in Australia. 

Nilkawtians, and even wealthy non-Nilkawtian permanent or temporary residents, are able to put their names on business establishments in Nilkawt, but only after paying substantial licence fees for the privilege of doing so.  Licence fees are also payable before putting pretentious names on residential properties.

Nilkawtians are not required to declare their non-Nilkawtian wealth to the government, or to the Bank of Nilkawt.  For this reason, no-one is quite sure who is rich or poor in Nilkawt.


Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Sublime Secretariat

The executive board of the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence employs a full-time sublime secretariat to assist with its immensely important work around the world.

For many years, the secretariat was based in Adelaide in Australia.  More recently, however, the secretariat's main duties have been performed in Palazzo Twaklinikawt in Nilkawt.

In order to ensure its excellent administrative activities can continue to be performed to the required standard of efficiency and effectiveness, several unusual measures have been put in place.

Originally, the work was mainly carried out, ethereally and digitally, with the assistance of several historically suitable staff.  Since most of those persons have now resigned, in order to transfer their newly acquired sublime skills into other locations, it has become necessary to appoint other persons to take their places.

In addition, the only other ethereal former member of the secretariat has now been reassigned to other duties.  Before leaving the position, Doctor Piscopia devoted her attention to training the new, non-ethereal leadership team.  It is not yet known how receptive those persons may be to the ongoing requirements of enlightened leadership.

In view of the above, Doctor Piscopia is, in addition, no longer the principal private secretary to the chief executive officer of the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence.  The current, ongoing chief executive officer is, of course, the current Nilkawtian head of state.

In Nilkawt, there is not just a sublime secretariat but also a sublime treasury and many sublime traditions and cultural artifacts.  This is due to the fact that an excellent education system is one of the main features of Nilkawtian life.

The Sublime Secretariat administers all the examinations for all the courses associated with Nilkawtian institutions.  It also sets and supervises those examinations, and many other forms of assessment, to ensure the highest standards are maintained.

All final examinations, for any Nilkawtian courses at all, are held either in the new royal palace in Twaklinton, Palazzo Twaklinilkawt, or in the old royal palace in Matildaville.  Examinations may occasionally even be offered through Villa Twaklinilkawt in Adelaide in Australia for persons unable to enter Nilkawtian territory.

Since the head of state began her own Nilkawtian duties, she has received the services of three highly secretive though not necessarily sensible servants, acting as her very private private secretaries.  The duties of those personages have been mainly involved with traditional opening and closing ceremonies.  It is fortunate, therefore, that those persons are not members of the sublime secretariat.

Doctor Piscopia has remained at the secretariat as the chief of staff to the chief executive officer, rather than as a private secretary to that personage in the latter's other capacities.  Maintaining their duties in both Nilkawt and Adelaide has been exceedingly difficult for both persons, even though they are sublimely ethereal and superbly secretarial themselves.

Every good leader has the ability to be a good secretary.  In many cases, a good secretary is also a good leader. Throughout much of history, a good secretary has unfortunately been required to cover the faults of a bad leader on innumerable occasions.  When a good secretary works for a good leader, the good leader will always have the deepest respect for the good secretary, with suitable remuneration and office facilities.

In addition to her other earlier duties, Doctor Piscopia found that the task of chairing the executive board meetings, alternating those duties with Mr Mozart and Queen Charlotte, had become exceedingly challenging for all three of them.  Their ethereal schedules have been immensely full.  Doctor Piscopia also acted as the interim chief operating officer of the training centre, even though she has never performed surgery personally.

Delegating tasks to the most suitably qualified and experienced person has always been the main duty of anyone working for the sublime secretariat of the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence.  When Doctor Piscopia approached Lord Google for advice on how to perform better services as an executive chair, he advised the appointment of a seating device with a swivel mechanism on its base.

Doctor Piscopia subsequently asked the Duchess of Wikipedia about such matters.  Both ladies agreed that an inanimate object would make an excellent figurehead, but only if a dignified figure could be placed upon the chair itself.

The executive board wishes to announce today that the chairing of executive board meetings will now be tabled as the responsibility of a non-executive individual with immense prior experience of relevance to that essential duty.  Mr Mozart had wished for an orchestral conductor to be appointed to conduct the proceedings.  Queen Charlotte had wished to appoint a cup-bearer to the position.  Doctor Piscopia believed it would be preferable for a Venetian Doge to be offered the position.

Several months ago, the chief executive officer herself, Her Illustrious Highness, had directed all her ladies-in-waiting to receive intensive training, under the direct supervision of Doctor Piscopia.  This was to ensure they could fill any position in the sublime secretariat at short notice.

In reasoning that any problem could easily be solved whenever suitably qualified and experienced persons were available, Her Illustrious Highness has now managed to ensure there are three hundred and seventy seven persons on hand, eagerly waiting to offer assistance before anyone even drops a hat.

This is only an interim measure.  The main difficult is that a conflict of interest has already risen, given the fact that all educational and training institutions in Nilkawt are meant to be associated with the expression of enlightenment.  This does not appear to be consistent with the tasks performed by the chief lady-in-waiting in relation to the Nilkawtian treasury and prime ministership.

This potential problem was raised by Lady Philophrosyne Facebookian-Flabberghast, Countess of Cupateeunkaique, who is not one of the ladies-in-waiting but she is one of the very private private secretaries to the ethereal grand duchess.  The countess is also the sister-in-law to Lady Facebookian the well-known international socialite.  

Unfortunately Lady Facebookian and Lady Philophrosyne do not get on at all well together.  In fact, they have an intense rivalry.

Lady Philophrosyne may be rather flabby and often extraordinarily crabby though that is quite understandable.  She has been that way since she was appointed to establish the Nilkawtian Political Reform Commission last November, during the temporary abdication of Her Illustrious Highness the Grand Duchess.

Before taking up that additional responsibility, Lady Philophrosyne Facebookian-Flabberghast and Lady Facebookian had a tendency to dress the same way, wear similar make-up and style their hair in a similar fashion, in the same shade of brassy blonde.  Unfortunately, both ladies attended the same cosmetic surgeon in the same week on the Queensland Gold Coast and ended up with the same style of nose.

Lady Philophrosyne has also decided that she no longer wishes to continue carrying either the full name, or even the usual shortened version of the name, of her very strange, estranged second husband, who has never, in fact, visited Nilkawt.  Being a citizen only of the United Kingdom means that Sir Parsnip Yorkshire-Pudding-Facebookian-Likebutton is ineligible for a visa to enter Nilkawt.  

The same ineligibility fortunately also applies to Lady Facebookian.  Being a citizen of the United States of America and a long-time resident of everywhere except Nilkawt, that personage is unlikely ever to enter Nilkawtian territory in person.

Doctor Piscopia, Mr Mozart and Queen Charlotte are all honorary Nilkawtian citizens, not only due to their long established connection with the International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence in Adelaide, but also as a consequence of their willingness to continue their association with the esteemed institution after its sublime secretariat moved to Nilkawt.

Lady Philophrosyne is keen to ensure all sorts of mistakes are prevented throughout Nilkawtian territory, whether concerning important government announcements or not-very-important marriage and/or divorce announcements.  In fact, Lady Philophrosyne wishes to announce today that she wishes to be known from now on as Lady Philophrosyne Teaspoon-Sugarbowl-Flabberghast, though that preference will need to be directed to the relevant authority for official scrutiny before any such wish can be granted.

Although there has been a great deal of suspected and somewhat suspicious instability in the Nilkawtian treasury since the announcement of the new Nilkawtian cabinet in March of this year, a discovery has recently been made that the levels of government are, in fact, physical instruments rather than merely legal instruments pertaining to Constitutional structures.

This discovery has meant that the sublime secretariat itself can continue to operate efficiently and with sensitivity, even in the presence of a bubble.  The levels of government are, in fact, three spirit levels.  This seems to suggest there is a Freemasonry element in the Government of Nilkawt.  Mr Mozart has therefore been appointed to investigate the matter further.

The new Nilkawtian Minister for Education, Training and Interpersonal Niceties has been attempting to install his own appointees in various positions, especially in commissions.  He has even been attempting to place his mother at the head of the sublime secretariat and his twin brother, Eric, in Lady Philophrosyne's position, though without her hair, nose or dress preferences.

Doctor Piscopia has pointed out to the minister that he must abide by his Constitutional duties, even though he has stated publicly that he does not like the properties of tea or consultation.  The head of state and the judges of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught have therefore been consulted by Doctor Piscopia with some urgency in that regard.

To pay for the work of the sublime secretariat, the matter of funding was raised at the recent official ceremony of the ceremonies and the salaries.  The endowment fund in Adelaide is still insufficient for Nilkawtian purposes, especially as there is a possibility that traditional official ribbons are to be supplied for use with all new documentation associated with the sublime secretariat.

Monday, 28 September 2015

Office of Statistical Enlightenment

There is always much work occurring behind the scenes in Nilkawt, just as there is in this embassy in Adelaide, and in other parts of Villa Twaklinilkawt.  

The Office of Statistical Enlightenment, which is usually known outside Nilkawtian territory, and especially at the Enlightened Nations, as the Nilkawtian Office of Statistical Enlightenment, or NOSE, is well known for its wide range of surveys, investigative interviews, and even its annual Required Enlightenment Census.

Being able to provide a selection of statistics to display on the world stage is important for any nation, whether enlightened or not.  The accuracy of those statistics is rarely questioned, unless the figures vary markedly from whatever is considered, speculatively, to be comparatively average.

Science is often questioned when something outside the average occurs.  Recently, for example, Australian universities claimed to have found volcanoes hiding both on land and in the sea.  They supplied this evidence:

Water Sample

Land Sample


Nilkawtians, on the other hand, would never claim to find large geological structures hidden in their midsts.  The geological structures of Nilkawt are outstandingly stable and exceedingly well understood, which is itself statistically remarkable.

Most statistical information about Nilkawt is usually only released to trustworthy officials and fee-paying subscribers under conditions of strict confidentiality.

Monday, 21 September 2015

Most Enlightened Nation Status

An enlightened Constitution, such as the Nilkawtian one, enshrines both freedom of religion and freedom from religion.  This is why Nilkawt has received Most Enlightened Nation Status within the Enlightened Nations.

In Nilkawt, religion is a private and personal pursuit.  It is discussed in private.  It is expressed in private.  There is only one public location within Nilkawtian territory within which religious ideas, of any sort, may be expressed.

Philosophy is another matter entirely.  Discussions about philosophy, science and all sorts of other non-religious matters are acceptable within the Nilkawtian public sphere.

Nilkawtians failing to uphold this part of the Constitution are liable to have their citizenship status downgraded. 

Visitors disrespecting this part of the Constitution are likely to be deported immediately, even if those persons have existed in Nilkawtian territory for many years.

Thursday, 17 September 2015

Management of Land

Nilkawt is one of the fastest growing societies and economies in the world.  It is why all Nilkawtian citizens are expected to be excellent managers of land.  No-one in Nilkawt actually owns any land, except for the ethereal grand duchess herself on behalf of the Nilkawtian state.

Since 1982, all new farmers in Nilkawt have been required to attain suitable qualifications in the biological sciences, culinary history and the art of land management, in addition to extensive knowledge of local and global agricultural and food preferences.

The Nilkawtian counties have various types of soils, societies and culinary preferences themselves.  

Most of the land for farming has been purchased from various earlier owners while other parts have been inherited by the Nilkawtian state or presented to the head of state as gifts.   For example, a retiring farmer, known to his neighbours and his son as Pa Tait O'Sullivan, sold his farm to the former Nilkawtian head of state for a small fee in 1973, on condition that his son could work the farm until the middle of 2015, at which time the son would retire himself.  That has, fortunately, now occurred.

No children of Nilkawtians are permitted to enter Nilkawtian territory until they are deemed to be suitably mature.  This usually means that they are sent away to school and another forms of supervision even before they are born. 

There are no neonatal clinics, children's hospitals, kindergartens, obstetrics services, practicing midwives, primary schools, secondary schools or even universities in Nilkawt.  Persons with Nilkawtian citizenship are required to seek suitable family services elsewhere in the world.

Children of Nilkawtians have no rights at all in relation to Nilkawtian citizenship.  Many of them are unqualified to enter Nilkawtian territory until well after the age of fifty, if at all.  Fortunately for Nilkawtians, it is possible to apply for unpaid parental leave of up to thirty years duration.

Mr Groper Tait O'Sullivan, the former agriculture minister of Nilkawt, who is the son of the aforementioned Pa, was relatively young when he first entered Nilkawtian territory at the age of forty-one.  He is now eighty-seven.  He has always behaved as though he owned the land he farmed, hence it now needs a large amount of remediation.

The culinary aspects of land management in Nilkawt, and anywhere else in the world for that matter, have long been an interest of the former Nilkawtian minister for arts and sciences, Mr Rollo Polo, who was meant to complete a four-month international study tour of popular culinary preferences three weeks ago.  Mr Polo was scheduled to return to Nilkawt immediately upon finishing his investigations.  Unfortunately, he has been required to continue his studies in order to slim down sufficiently to fit down the aisle of a jumbo jet.

The former minister for lawnless order, Ms Lorna Lott, is still preventing anyone from tasting junk food within Nilkawtian territory for Constitutional  and constitutional reasons.  Ms Lott is now known as Judge Lott, having been recently appointed to the very full bench of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught.

The Hike Kawt Court of the Caught handles all disputes concerning land and food, particularly during picnics.  Official picnics are usually also attended by the current Nilkawtian minister for health, defence and delightful environments, Lady Veri, who now has all responsibility for agricultural matters, amongst other things.

There has been great concern expressed in Nilkawt about the redevelopment of the old royal palace, and especially the large-scale construction in its former grounds.  The project has caused a great deal of controversy in the Nilkawtian media.