Thursday, 22 January 2015

Local Low Kawt Courts

The local courts in Nilkawt consist of the lower Courts of Courtesy and Courting.  Both the Court of Courtesy and the Court of Courting are based in the Low Kawt region of Nilkawt, in the valley at the base of the High Kawt Mountain of Documentation.

The Low Kawt courts are also administrative and judicial channels through which the Nilkawtians deal with all the basic legal issues relating to suitable social behaviour in Nilkawt.  Each day, the judges of the Court of Courtesy and the Court of Courting travel on well-planned circuits, dealing with matters as locally as possible, before returning to their base in the evenings.

The judges of the Court of Courtesy travel in a clockwise direction.  The judges of the Court of Courting travel in the counterclockwise direction. 

Unlike the judges of the Court of Courtesy, who travel predictably in a perfect circle, the judges of the Court of Courting travel in a circuitous, zigzag pattern to wherever they and the defendants are meant to be accountable. 

To ensure the judges of the local Low Kawt courts are not mistaken for the judges of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught, the Low Kawt circuit judges are known as Just Kisses of the Peace.  They are therefore able to resolve all types of disputes quickly, simply and cheaply.

Wednesday, 21 January 2015

Office of Electoral Progress

All Nilkawtian embassies and government institutions are usually closed during Nilkawtian election campaigns.  Fortunately, there is no election in progress in Nilkawt at present, though the matter of progress is often a matter of speculation in Nilkawt, as elsewhere.

The head of state of Nilkawt is the only person eligible to announce the results of Nilkawtian elections.  Given the fact that Her Illustrious Highness the Ethereal Grand Duchess is far too busy elsewhere at present to bother about such matters, she is yet to provide the Nilkawtians with any knowledge at all regarding the next cabinet.

The most qualified ladies-in-waiting in the palace often take it in turns amongst themselves to be the prime minister for a day or two, which suits everyone very well indeed on most occasions.  Most governments are likely to work perfectly well without the meddling and muddling of a cabinet.

Should you wish to learn more about elections in Nilkawt, please refer to the following:

1. An introduction to Nilkawtian elections

2. An introduction to the Nilkawtian cabinet and government

3. An introduction to the Nilkawtian Humour Rights Commissioner

4. An introduction to the grand closing of this digital embassy

5. An introduction to the outgoing (very outgoing) Nilkawtian Minster of Communications

6. An introduction to the grand reopening of this embassy

Now that the introductions are out of the way, more can be said about the Office of Electoral Progress.  The purpose of the Office is to identify ways to progress beyond the already excellent Nilkawtian electoral system in order to increase democratic participation, societal peacefulness and affectionate fairness further.  The officers in the Office therefore offer encouragement to anyone curious enough to enhance evidence-based societal improvements, whether those persons are Nilkawtians or not.

The Office is highly independent.  It has no commissioner and no supervising minister.  In fact, the officers in the Office of Electoral Progress are exceedingly democratic themselves.  They also consult widely, being open to receiving appropriate suggestions from anyone.  Unfortunately, this means that the officers rarely do anything at all except talk to each other and try to agree with everyone about everything, at least when they are all able to verify the facts.

Here are some relevant facts to consider:

1. Nilkawtian election results

2. Nilkawtian Independent Commissioners for Free and Fair Elections

3. Nilkawtian Independent Commissioners Against Corruption

4. Public holidays

It is fortunate indeed that the officers in the Office of Electoral Progress are the main official educators in Nilkawt.  Anyone wishing to become a full citizen of Nilkawt is required to work as an officer in the Office for at least one full year before becoming eligible for such a citizenship, except in exceptional circumstances.

One new officer is inducted into the Office every day of the week between June and September.  Each new officer then begins a full-time training course of ten hours a day on every day of the week over eight weeks.  This is followed by part-time employment in the Office of Electoral Progress for five hours a day, on two days of the week, over the following forty-four weeks, at least if the officer manages to stay the distance.

Repeating failed aspects of the course is permitted, even after repeatedly failing, which is why some officers are employed in the Office for their entire Nilkawtian careers.

Monday, 5 January 2015

Restoration of the Money Key

Whenever there is even the slightest sign of unrest or excessive rest within the judiciary, the government or the parliament of Nilkawt, the head of state is permitted under the Constitution to abdicate or go into voluntary exile on either a temporary or permanent basis.  Unrest amongst the populace and guests is another matter entirely.

Fortunately, the Grand Loyal Stewardess of the Ethereal Grand Household, Lady Esther Less-Stir, Countess of Austrooliana and non-ancestral holder of the official Money Key, has appeased the pre-paying tourists in Nilkawt sufficiently by providing special, exclusive, unscheduled tours of the Twaklinton royal palace in person.  This means that the restoration of the Money Key to its former fundraising purposes can occur without undue unrest or duress.

For some time, there had been signs of irritability amongst the judiciary of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught, which is itself the highest court in Nilkawt and therefore constitutionally required to uphold all forms of constitutional dutifulness. As the highest court in the Nilkawtian judicial system, the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught is meant to function in an interpretive capacity to apply the laws of Nilkawt and decide cases of special significance.

Unfortunately, there have been too many cases of special significance in recent years within Nilkawt.  The judges of the court have therefore been justifiably exhausted, jittery and tearful during those years.   On a daily basis, there have been thousands of challenges to the constitutional validity of Nilkawtian laws.  On an hourly basis, the judges have received petitions and other stressful paperwork, most of which contain demands for the judges to hear various unusual and peculiar appeals.

Over recent weeks, all the judges of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught have been on special leave, for the sake of their health.  For several years, they had been complaining that the seats and benches in the Hike Kawt building were intolerably uncomfortable.  They had also been complaining that the acoustics of the building made the high-pitched sound of the Parliamentary Triangle echo with excruciating intensity.

The Hike Kawt building houses the Grate Hawl and Grand Chimney.  The building also contains the Shrine of True Tolerance, where the enshrined original version of the Constitution shines gloriously. 

There are also the three formal caught rooms.  There are the magnificent chambers, providing the living quarters and water closets for the judges.

In addition, there are the Hike Kawt major and minor registries.  There is also a remarkably beautiful reference library.

There are no corporate services or public facilities in the Hike Kawt building.  There has often been speculation that an extension will be attached to the northern side of the Hike Kawt building to house a fundraising casino and indoor fun park, but planning permission for such legislative encumbrances would almost certainly be considerably unconstitutional.

In view of the above, the current monarch of Nilkawt, Her Illustrious Highness the Ethereal Grand Duchess, Twaklin I, has been in temporary exile in her non-Nilkawtian residence, Villa Twaklinilkawt, situated in the bushfire safer part of Adelaide.  The seventy-five judges of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught have been her guests there, in the commodious once-secret guest wing.

The judges have stated that they wish to be known as Justices, like their Australian counterparts, even though justice in Nilkawt remains a matter for the public to judge, at least in the populist, under-populated parts of Nilkawtian territory.  The Constitution of Nilkawt states that all suitably qualified Nilkawtian persons are permitted to be called justices but only a few additionally trained and reasonably fit and proper persons have the right to be called judges of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught.

Her Illustrious Highness has stated that she wishes to remain in Adelaide until the end of January, for political and economic purposes.  The judges have stated that they are unwilling to return to Nilkawt for the time being as they wish to receive additional funding for their work, and perhaps even employ a few members of staff.

At present, only judges of the Hike Kawt are permitted to enter the Hike Kawt building.  Fortunately, there are very large windows through which everyone can observe many of the activities within the Hike Kawt precinct.  One of the grievances of the judges is that public fascination with their work mostly appears through the windows of their water closets.

The Money Key has not been used as a fundraising tool for eight hundred years.  It was originally used by a minor official in the English royal household in order to open the locks of the Treasury with surreptitious alacrity and unseemly invisibility.  That person's actions were the real cause of the Magna Carta being signed, and the subsequent checks, cheques and balances of the Exchequer.

Hence, the Grand Loyal Stewardess believes it to be of the utmost importance to restore the Money Key to its rightful place - within Nilkawt's GDP.