Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Contractual Agreements

In any reasonably peaceful and prosperous society, the law of contract is of paramount importance.  In Nilkawt, all contracts must assume a fiduciary, psychological and physiological duty of care on the part of all parties.

There are many types of contracts within Nilkawt, the most important of which is the Contract of Transcendence.  That type of contract transcends time and space for the whole of eternity.

In addition, it is always necessary to note that a Contract of Comedy is difficult to compose, particularly as most comedy fails to transcend time, space and culture adequately.  The Nilkawtian Humour Rights Commissioner understands this problem very well indeed.

Particularly in social contracts, it is necessary to ask and answer the most suitable questions.  It is also necessary to examine the international and historical aspects of contracts very carefully indeed.  Contracts of Historically Informed Performances are certainly necessary in any society.

In Nilkawt, music is always presented in live performances without microphones, and without annoying the neighbours.  There are no broadcast or digital services.  There are no mechanisms permitted for playing musical recordings.  Nor is there even a pianola permitted within Nilkawtian territory.

Barrel organs are only permitted in front of the Treasury building, next to the old Royal Palace, and only whilst wearing a very silly costume in order to resemble a member of the Suidae family.  A proper, genuine permit must also be acquired for such purposes, subject to the successful completion of the paperwork, the auditions and the payment of fees.

Musical boxes and musical snuff boxes are only permitted in museums, and only then if part of the collection on permanent display.  Kazoos are certainly not permitted anywhere in Nilkawt, and nor are vuvuzelas, thundersticks, whoopee cushions, descant recorders, bagpipes or impersonations of Ethel Merman.

Nilkawtians pride themselves on their Contracts of Hospitality, even when outside Nilkawtian territory.  Excellent contracts, anywhere in the world, help humanity to uphold creativity, freedom and peace.  Any international treaty is itself a form of contract, particularly when upheld and supported through the Enlightened Nations.

Contracts with future generations usually require the development, maintenance and protection of excellent archives.  In view of this, the Nilkawtians have located various parts of their own archives in various locations, to maintain the security of those records.

Some of the highly important archival documents owned by the most esteemed of Nilkawtian institutions are even held outside Nilkawtian territory.  This is to ensure the entire world has the opportunity to benefit from the knowledge within those records, rather than only Nilkawtian citizens and authorised visitors to Nilkawt, subject to the signing of contracts.

Friday, 24 April 2015

Immigration Review

For many years, no diplomatic immunity has been granted to anyone visiting Nilkawt.  Nor has anyone ever been offered any sort of asylum within Nilkawtian territory.

To visit Nilkawt as a tourist, or for any other reason for that matter, it has always been necessary beforehand to be familiar with the entry requirements.  It has also be necessary to be fully conversant with the mission of this embassy and with the various activities of the government of Nilkawt.

The penalties for lapses in attentiveness to such matters have frequently been severe.  The ability to obtain visas for visiting Nilkawt should, therefore, always be considered as a privilege.

Visitors wishing to participate in a tour of the royal palace upon arrival in Twaklinton, the capital of Nilkawt, are particularly advised to ensure they understand the essential processes and procedures to be followed.  It is always wise to avoid unnecessary embarrassment wherever possible.

Several former Nilkawtian cabinet members were responsible for maintaining the above policies, including:

The former Defence Minister

The former Minister for Immigration and Broader Inspection

The former Attorney-General


The new Minister for Peace and Justice believes an urgent review of immigration matters is required.  Such a review will probably examine the types of visas offered, the eligibility criteria, the fees for visas, fines for unruly visitors, and the removal from Nilkawtian territory of persons overstaying their welcome.

The review will be supervised by the Minister for Natural Limitations and Sustainable Trade, with some assistance likely to be provided by the Minister for Brilliance, Prosperity and Pleasant Foreign Relations.

Wednesday, 22 April 2015

Minister for Peace and Justice

The legal system of Nilkawt has developed over thousands of years.  The necessity for the law to reflect expectations of peace and justice has always relied upon the ability of:

a) Parliamentarians to provide legislation;

b) Cabinet ministers to carry out and delegate their legislated duties, and

c) The judiciary to interpret the law in the light of evidence.

The former attorney-general, acting between the parliamentarians and the judicial officers, received a great deal of assistance in performing her duties.  She has, for many years, been a vocal advocate for therapeutic jurisprudence.

In Nilkawtian jurisprudence, The Most Magnificent and Sensible Sunhat is the state in all its aspects, even during inclement weather and climatological extremes.  In both everyday and legislative terminology, The Sunhat is usually referred to as Nilkawt rather than The Sunhat, the crown, or anything else for that matter, except when straw man arguments are presented in parliament.

The former attorney-general, like her predecessors since time immemorial, had a great many responsibilities.  The current excessive workload of the Nilkawtian judiciary may be a consequence of that.

The former duties of the former attorney-general are now formally those of the new Minster for Peace and Justice, Ms Laura Ntuha-Selph.  Ms Ntuha-Selph was the main instigator of the recent Hike Kawt challenge.  She has often been a vocal critic of parliament, the cabinet and the judiciary through the Nilkawtian media.  She believes she is entitled to additional honours, which she considers to be long overdue.  She has also apparently complained in private that the Constitution needs to be altered to ensure clarity concerning the levels of government in Nilkawt.

Ms Ntuha-Selph is a former corporate lawyer.  She was, until recently, employed by the Bank of Nilkawt.  Before that, she worked for many other major banks around the world.  In view of this, Ms Ntuha-Selph is particularly annoyed about the lack of current opportunities for personal wealth enhancement through Nilkawtian government revenues.

In view of her numerous complaints, Ms Laura Ntuha-Selph has occasionally been brought before the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught, and various lower courts, where she has been tried for possible breaches of the Constitution.  She has been known to suggest changes to the Constitution, as indicated above.  She has also complained officially about the traditions of Nilkawt, unofficially about the parliament, vocally about the local Low Kawt courts, and she has even raised very loud concerns that the governance of Nilkawt is repeatedly in a state of crisis.

Ms Ntuha-Selph is the eldest daughter of a former chief judge of the Hike Kawt Court of the Caught, Lord Ditoeva, and of a current judge of the court, Lady Madge Estrait.  Ms Ntuha-Selph is currently married to the Earl of Foolya, meaning she is able to call herself the Countess of Foolya in any location but a court of law.  On the most public of occasions she is therefore known as Lady Gobsmack-Twittering.

Her former husband, Professor Lester Leicester Less-Stir, is currently married to Lady Esther Less-Stir, Countess of Austrooliana.  Ms Ntuha-Selph took her first husband's surname for professional purposes, yet he changed his upon his subsequent marriage.  Professor Less-Stir is currently the dean of the Twaklinian School of International and Constitutional Law and Peace.

Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Minister for Natural Limitations and Sustainable Trade

In keeping with the condensed version of a new cabinet, which the previous incumbents appear to have provided on behalf of the Nilkawtian people as a strange sort of surprise, the ambassador for this digital embassy is not yet sure whether the staff here should be pleased to announce that the former ministry responsible for the processing of visa applications no longer exists.  This does not necessarily mean that the backlog of applications for visas will disappear, or that the Nilkawtian border guards will all soon receive redundancy notices.

One of the main complaints about and by the previous cabinet related to the fact that many important government activities were without adequate supervision.  The former Minister for Immigration and Broader Inspection did her best to ensure her portfolio could be peacefully pursued.  The former Minister for Pleasant Weather did her best to cheer everyone up and follow the requirements of her duties.  Yet the long-term outlook for both ministerial portfolios has been dismal for a very long time.

In view of the above, and with the benefit of information provided by Mrs Jocasta Polo, the great aunt of the former Minister for Arts and Sciences, through the auspices of the Humour Rights Commission, all the necessary statistics have been located in the shrubbery beyond the herb patch, behind the potting shed in the grounds of the former royal palace.

Mrs Polo is one of Nilkawt's most senior public health inspectors. She found the documents while making her way to the bottom of the garden to investigate an unpleasant smell in that vicinity, in the company of a suitably qualified plumber.  As a consequence of such discoveries, the new ministry will be able to provide more detailed assessments of the natural limitations of Nilkawt, the carrying capacity of the land and sewerage system, as well as the most suitable management of all sorts of resources.

While the new Ministry for Health, Defence and Delightful Environments will certainly require the services of public health inspectors for the foreseeable future, the new Minister for Natural Limitations and Sustainable Trade, Doctor Carrie Inca-Passitti, will be required to ensure excellent planning is pursued to prevent overcrowding, pollution and the destruction of valuable items.

By taking on the portfolio duties of the former Minister for Immigration and Broader Inspection, as well as those of the former Minister for Pleasant Weather, and working in close co-operation with her cabinet colleagues, Doctor Inca-Passitti will hopefully complete her term of office in remarkably good health.  No-one would wish her to become incapacitated by an excessively arduous workload.

Doctor Inca-Passitti will probably work especially closely with the new Minister for Housing.  In addition, she will, of necessity, be expected to work harmoniously with the new Minister for Science, Arts and Enlightenment and the new Minister for Health, Defence and Delightful Environments.

Additional duties of the new Minister for Natural Limitations and Sustainable Trade will include matters of finance, trade, commerce, industry, natural resources, creativity, innovation and enterprise.  These will require careful planning in association with the new Minister for Brilliance, Prosperity and Pleasant Foreign Relations, as well as the new Minister for Education, Training and Interpersonal Niceties.

It is expected, therefore, that Doctor Inca-Passitti will supervise all government business and all government services, through the delegated channels of various commissions.  The Humour Rights Commissioner has, apparently, already been consulted, as has the Tourism Commissioner.

The Independent Commissioners Against Corruption will certainly be kept busy.   The current Trade and Investment Commissioner will certainly provide valuable expertise, especially as she is now also the new Minister for Health, Defence and Delightful Environments.

In her former career, Doctor Inca-Passitti was a trade and commodities financier at the Bank of Nilkawt. She is currently married to one of the Nilkawtian Independent Commissioners for Free and Fair Elections.  She has, however, been married twice before.  Both of her former husbands happen to be the other two Independent Commissioners for Free and Fair Elections.

Doctor Inca-Passitti is looking forward to her new duties, though she has expressed a few concerns already to the Political Reform Commissioner, who is her sister.  As can be seen, Nilkawt does not have a particularly large population, and most Nilkawtians of any social standing are therefore well known to each other.

Monday, 20 April 2015

Financial Services Review

Concerns have been raised in the Parliament of Nilkawt recently that the financial system of Nilkawt is unable to compete sufficiently in the global market place.  One of the concerns relates to the fact that all visitors to Nilkawt are required to possess Australian citizenship.

Entry requirements for Nilkawt are in keeping with the Constitutional necessity to maintain a balanced economy.   Public funds are currently only available to assess the authenticity of Nilkawtian and Australian passports, both at the borders of Nilkawtian territory and within the various embassies, consulates and high-security global investment facilities Nilkawt maintains across the globe.

The Bank of Nilkawt usually receives deposited funds through direct and indirect transfers, routed through the Australian financial system.  Mr Ben D Goh, a banking expert from Australia, has frequently complained, through this digital embassy, of the unfair practices of the current cozy currency coterie of Nilkawtian central bank managers.

There is nothing new or unusual about complaints of inadequate financial services, anywhere in the world.  The main reason for the proposed financial services review is to ensure the Nilkawtian breath mark becomes the world's preferred reserve currency within the next decade.  One of the primary considerations of the mission of this embassy is to ensure that the proposed, and somewhat inevitable eventuality, will occur as rapidly as reasonably possible.

To ensure the Nilkawtian financial services review is as independent and credible as possible, it is to be conducted without the direct assistance of anyone associated with the Treasury of Nilkawt.  Nor will anyone associated with the review be a former or current beneficiary of the Nilkawtian banking system.  After all, the openness of Nilkawt is renowned throughout the world.  Nilkawt is also known for its excellent economy.

Unlike anywhere else in the world, Nilkawt has a beautiful political system, even with the many legal challenges it continues to face.  Fortunately, most persons are willing to withdraw their legal challenges when provided with the necessary facts, and especially when presented with the fees.

Raising the entry requirements for Nilkawt, or even just the fees for entry, has been suggested as a way to boost the prestige of Nilkawt on the international stage.  Everyone wishes to obtain exclusive access to special places, apparently.

There have been suggestions, as indicated by Mr Goh, that the Bank of Nilkawt is currently excessively exclusive, particularly in terms of its senior management.  There have also been concerns expressed in the Parliament of Nilkawt that Nilkawtian citizenship is becoming too dependent on the wealth of applicants, leading to Constitutional concerns.  Discussions are currently occurring at all known levels of government in Nilkawt regarding this matter.

Although the Ethereal Grand Duchy of Nilkawt has only existed under Eternal Law since the 2002-2003 financial year, and has only existed in accordance with the needs of mortals since 2009, it has existed through prehistorical precedence, societal relevance and hierarchical residence since time immemorial.   There has always been a distinction in Nilkawt between the temporal and the eternal.

The quality and prestige of financial services, anywhere in the world, usually depends on trustworthiness.  For this reason, the Nilkawtian Trade and Investment Commissioner is very well known in the very best of diplomatic, financial and business circles.

As in any society, too much freedom can lead to serious problems in much the same way as too little freedom.  This is particularly the case when the education, advice and traditions within an institution have been inadequate for contemporary circumstances.  This is why the Nilkawtian Independent Commissioners Against Corruption are always kept very busy indeed.


In its terms of reference, the Financial Services Review will examine:


a) The Nilkawtian sovereign wealth fund;

b) The activities of the Grand Chancellery of the Treasury;

c) The paper trails, digital footprints and customer service records of the Bank of Nilkawt;

d) The most lucrative and ludicrous sources of government revenues;

e) The purported importance of the money key;

f) The efficiency of the Ample Sufficiency Agency;

g) The bonuses, salaries and fringe benefits provided to the members of the Salaries Review Board;

h) The inventory and inventiveness of Nilkawtian art works and all other investments.


The review itself will be chaired by the Nilkawtian Humour Rights Commissioner, who knows very little at all about financial matters and is therefore the most independent and competent person available for the task.

Friday, 17 April 2015

Minister for Education, Training and Interpersonal Niceties

Over recent months, there has been a huge increase in the number of foreign students in Nilkawt.  This has caused many difficulties, mainly because it is almost impossible to tell the difference between a Nilkawtian and a foreigner, between a tourist and a trainee, and between a truly good person and a rather nasty character.

In view of the above, it is interesting, to say the least, to know that a new minister has been appointed to supervise educational matters throughout Nilkawtian territory.  There has been no proper education minister in Nilkawt for over one hundred and fifty years.

Although all students in Nilkawt are required to be of adequate maturity, and indeed to have been officially and legally considered to be adults for at least a decade beforehand, in many parts of the world, this does not necessarily mean such students are beneficial to the good order of Nilkawtian society.  

There was formerly a Minister for Training in Nilkawt.  Even so, there are many facilities in Nilkawt providing a more theoretical than practical education.  There are, fortunately, also several institutions harmoniously combining theory and practice with beauty, understanding and magnificence.

The Nilkawtian head of state is particularly keen to ensure education, training and interpersonal niceties are improved on a continual basis, throughout the world.  It has also been officially revealed, by the private Private Secretaries to Her Illustrious Highness, that no deputy ministers have recently been appointed.  This means that the full ministers will all be required to assist each other as necessary, or at least to make a little effort towards doing so.

The duties of the former Minister for Courtesy and Moral Philosophy, as well as those of the former Deputy Minister for Courtesy and Moral Philosophy, the former Minister for Tolerance, the former Minister for Lawnless Order, and the former Minister for Communications, will also be combined in the new portfolio.

The new Nilkawtian Minister for Education, Training and Interpersonal Niceties is Mr Nick MacYavelly.  He has previously worked his way ambitiously through the ranks of the Bank of Nilkawt to reach the position of Corporate Takeover Specialist.

In his spare time, Mr MacYavelly likes to ride rough shod horses through the Australian agricultural sector, drive luxury foreign motorcars though the Australian vehicle manufacturing industries, and add to his extensive collection of exploitative international investments.

Mr MacYavelly is a charming gentleman, eager to please major shareholders and other persons of great influence.  He is a patron of several conservatoriums, consortiums and congressional contests. 

The Minister is also a member of several exclusive, private clubs and secret societies.  He has stated publicly that he has the right contacts for all sorts of situations, the benefits of which he is willing to divulge as he sees fit.  He is therefore an excellent personage to assist suitably confident and courageous students and trainees in their future careers.


Here are just a few of the educational and training facilities to be found within Nilkawt:


The International Training Centre for the Harmonious Interplay of Beauty, Understanding and Magnificence

The Nilkawtian Beneficence Society

The Inns of Kawt

The Hall of Contested Fictions

The Institute for Polite Policing

The Twaklinian School of International and Constitutional Law and Peace

The Office of Electoral Progress

The Faculty of Official Historians

The Electoral College

The Royal Palace Association of Suitably Qualified Tour Guides

The Parliamentary Chamber of Educational Democracy

The National School of Acting and Effective Action
 

Thursday, 16 April 2015

Minister for Health, Defence and Delightful Environments

It is very rare indeed for any society to discuss its health system in the same context as its defence and delightful environments.  To defend a society adequately always requires a suitable defence of its health system and its delightful environments, at least according to the Nilkawtian Constitution.

The announcement, therefore, that a new Nilkawtian minister has been appointed for health, defence and delightful environments, with a combined package of significant responsibilities, has been greeted with much celebration and relief by the Nilkawtians.  They have been without a minister for health for some years now.  Their defence has been forsaken for interpersonal belligerence on many occasions.  And they have always known that they have the world's most beautiful and delightful environments within and between their own relatively healthy settlements.

The new ministry will combine the responsibilities of several former ministries.  For example, the new minister will be expected to take on many of the duties formerly the responsibility of the former Minister for Energy, Upkeep and Equal Opportunities, as well as the activities formerly performed by the former Minister for Useful Employment, the former Environment Minister, the former Minister of Agriculture and the former Defence Minister.  Such tasks will be in addition to those required of a Health Minister.

The former Defence Minister is currently considering acquiring a small country property of her own, preferably around the size of a small country.  She has been consulting her Uncle Bulldust on the matter.

There is a possibility that Anna Creek may soon be annexed as an exclave of Nilkawt, though no pets or livestock or feral beasts are currently permitted within any Nilkawtian territory.

The new Nilkawtian Minister for Health, Defence and Delightful Environments is Lady Verity (Veri) Goode, the current Trade and Investment Commissioner for Nilkawt and the sister of the former Defence Minister.  Lady Veri has agreed to continue with her duties as a commissioner until a suitably qualified replacement for that position can be found.  It is also most fortunate indeed that Lady Veri was also recently appointed to the board of the Bank of Nilkawt.

Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Minister for Brilliance, Prosperity and Pleasant Foreign Relations

Combining responsibilities in new ways has often been one of the main features of new cabinets around the world. This seems to account for the confusions regarding appointments to the current Nilkawtian cabinet.

The former Nilkawtian Minister for Brilliance had some difficulty, it seems, in understanding the difference between brilliance and enlightenment.  Whilst enlightenment is meant to be a means to an end, at least according to the Nilkawtian Constitution, brilliance is meant to be the end supplied by any expression of enlightenment.  Brilliance, therefore, is not about theory or even about practice.  It is about the assessment of means in accordance with the ends that are required to be supplied.

For example, this digital embassy does not have any important news to relate on every working day of every working week.  In that respect, it is quite a normal diplomatic entity.  Nor is this embassy necessarily able to provide timely news at the beginning of the day. To suggest, therefore, that news should be supplied on a fixed schedule is contrary to the facts and therefore unenlightened.

In most circumstances, urgent news reaches here at all sorts of times, and particularly in the middle of the afternoon in the middle of the week.  This can sometimes be exceedingly inconvenient.  It is the time when the Ambassador is most likely to be absent.  She is, however, usually located in the parlour meant for you at that time of day.

The ability to assess whether information is urgent or indeed factual is certainly a consequence of enlightenment.  Part of the art of brilliance, however, is the ability to communicate that information to the correct persons in accordance with a suitably timely awareness of priorities.

The former Nilkawtian Minister for Prosperity had some difficulty, it seems, in understanding the difference between the temporary and the permanent aspects of governance.  It is always necessary to distinguish between delegation and denomination.  This particularly applies regarding a religious approach to money.  Prosperity often requires a devotion to the management of money and offices.

The former Nilkawtian Foreign Minister had some difficulty, it seems, in understanding the difference between nature and culture.  He still refuses to receive treatment for his unfortunate condition.

The new Minister for Brilliance, Prosperity and Pleasant Foreign Relations, Lady Kardzonda Taybull, has, for many years, been one of the leading players and teachers in Nilkawt's National School of Acting and Effective Action.  She already appears to know her new role very well indeed.

Recently, Lady Taybull has been working on a part-time basis at the Bank of Nilkawt as a foreign exchange risk manager. She has also toured the world extensively as an actress, a performance artist and as a business communicator.

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

Minister for Science, Arts and Enlightenment

It is with great relief that several aspects of the recent legal challenge have been overturned and more announcements about the current cabinet of Nilkawt are therefore now permitted to be made.

In addition to the new and enthusiastic Minister for Housing, the people of Nilkawt have been delighted to receive the news that they now have a Minister for Science, Arts and Enlightenment.  This is certainly a great improvement on the recent situation.  No-one is more delighted than the former Minister for Arts and Sciences, who is now on a junk food tour of the world and therefore far too busy eating to comment further.

There has been no Minister for Enlightenment in Nilkawt since 1789, which is why the former Minister for Arts and Sciences was required to chair cabinet meetings.  In most other parliamentary societies, prime ministers chair most of the cabinet meetings, which is why such occasions are meant to be confidential, to avoid further embarrassment.  Most prime ministers in the world can quite easily be regarded as unenlightened ministers, as can most of their cabinet colleagues.

The new Nilkawtian Minister for Science, Arts and Enlightenment, Caroline Stein, will chair all future cabinet meetings, at least until the end of her current term of office.  In addition, Ms Stein will review all aspects of Nilkawtian life to determine whether they are truly in accordance with Enlightenment principles.

Ms Stein was formerly a colleague of the former foreign minister of Nilkawt, when they were both Australian scientists of some international renown.  Since they were both made redundant on the same day, and no scientific openings were then available in Australia, they sought new job opportunities in Nilkawt.  Ms Stein therefore became an investment manager within the Bank of Nilkawt.

Although she has only been a Nilkawtian resident for the past twelve months, and a citizen for only eight months, Ms Stein is delighted to have made her home in the most energy efficient and prosperous part of Twaklinton, the Nilkawtian capital.  Her citizenship status was fast-tracked as a consequence of her own excellent investments of time, skill and money in the Nilkawtian economy.

Ms Stein is hoping her presence at the head of the cabinet will contribute to a large amount of international capital transferring to Nilkawt quite soon.

Friday, 10 April 2015

Minister for Housing

It is with great relief that the Government of Nilkawt is able to announce that a Nilkawtian minister for housing has finally been appointed.  Ms Jeanie Cooee-Fish-Ant has many years of experience as a mortgage broker, conveyancer, geomancer, financial planner and attention-seeking international bushwalker.  She has also worked as a foreign exchange trader, stockbroker, insurance broker, relationship manager and séance manager.

Ms Cooee-Fish-Ant first came to Nilkawt inadvertently, having lost her way on a bushwalking expedition, led into and out of one of the many hidden caves by an inexperienced, non-local guide.  Unfortunately, the entrances and exits of many caves in Nilkawt are in very different environments, leading even the most experienced speleologists and ecologists to become exceedingly confused, tearful and disorientated.

Fortunately, Ms Cooee-Fish-Ant had previously been trained in advanced first aid, diplomatic protocols, hiking in all terrains, hiking consultation fees, celestial navigation, yodeling, opera singing and shouting very loudly.  She was therefore able to be rescued, along with her party of fifty-eight fellow middle-aged bushwalkers, by the naked official Royal Nilkawtian hermit, who was at the time also the Nilkawtian foreign minister.

As minister for housing, it is hoped Ms Cooee-Fish-Ant with bring additional efficiency to the housing portfolio.  Fortunately, no-one in Nilkawt has a mortgage.  There are no investment properties in Nilkawt.  All permanent housing in Nilkawt is owned and managed by resident co-operatives, each of which has a minimum of 150 members and a maximum of 250 members.

All planning for future permanent housing in Nilkawt is a matter for local government authorities.  No-one in the central government, including the minister for housing, has any authority to intervene in matters concerning permanent housing, except within the co-operatives in which they live.

Temporary accommodation is a central government responsibility.  This applies concerning homeless Nilkawtians as well as tourists, persons visiting on business, or as students, and/or as unwell persons and anyone else requiring somewhere safe to sleep when away from home for any reason, as long as they have the correct visas.

Ms Jeanie Cooee-Fish-Ant has much experience putting up tents, taking down tents and trying to ensure tents stay up when the weather is being unco-operative.  She also has considerable skills in building temporary emergency shelters from locally available materials, as well as raising awareness of various discomforts.  She is looking forward to the challenges of her new responsibilities tremendously.

The Nilkawtian Constitution states that the Gini coefficient in Nilkawt must remain stable at around 0.21, give or take 0.05.  This only applies regarding citizens of Nilkawt and not at all in relation to non-citizens or non-residents.  The Constitution also states that there must be a correlation between personal income, personal wealth and the quality of accommodation supplied for citizens and non-citizens, with the exception of government ministers and hermits.

In accordance with her previous experiences, Ms Cooee-Fish-Ant has already begun investigating the possibilities of turning the many caves of Nilkawt into various forms of non-permanent accommodation.  She has already established a sinking fund for finding and furnishing sinkholes.


Further information about Nilkawt


Visiting and visa types

Levels of government

Land titles, social titles and entitlements


Thursday, 9 April 2015

Government Revenues

The world's most highly respected economists and experts on public administration have often wondered how Nilkawt manages to remain such a peaceful and prosperous society, regardless of conditions in the global economy.  Nilkawt's revenues are always raised scientifically so that they may also be expended and expanded scientifically.

Even the current Nilkawtian head of state has been scientifically trained in such matters, ensuring Her Illustrious Highness is always able to ask the most pertinent and penetrating questions of anyone anywhere.  Here are a few sample questions the ethereal grand duchess has been known to ask:

1. Why is charity necessary in a prosperous society?

2. When should a scientific institution be closed?

3. What time is it?

4. Where is the supervisor?

5. Who truly expresses community usefulness?

6. How are your main interests expressed in the world?


In Nilkawt, persons unable satisfactorily to answer the questions politely asked of them by the head of state are required to pay fines in proportion to the scientific and interpersonal ignorance they display.  On most occasions, the most accurate scientific answer is:  "I am very sorry Your Illustrious Highness but I am afraid my grasp of the subject is inadequate".

The most ignorant persons in Nilkawt provide the government with most of its revenues.  This is mainly due to the fact that the most ignorant persons usually already believe they know everything there is to know about everything.  They are also likely to wish to interact with the head of state more often than most other citizens, to raise their prestige, hence their substantial contributions to the public coffers.

Wednesday, 8 April 2015

Political Parties

Nilkawt is the world's most elegant and egalitarian society.   There is really no point in any group giving much attention to politics in Nilkawt, except when actively participating in parliament.

Unlike in most other countries, nations and states, the political parties in Nilkawt never consider themselves to be part of the Nilkawtian state itself.  Nilkawtian political parties are merely community groups, just like any other.

There are no restrictions on moderate political activities within Nilkawt.  Most Nilkawtian political parties are not called political parties at all.  Moderation is the key to peace in Nilkawt, just as it is anywhere.  And individual Nilkawtians would certainly never name a political group after themselves, unlike excessively egocentric Australians.

Parliamentary* question time is a civilised affair in Nilkawt.  Afternoon tea is served simultaneously in both parlour chambers.  A competent string quartets perform charmingly pleasant chamber music unobtrusively behind the Speaker's chair in each parlour.  Birthday cakes are served daily, just in case a suitable celebration is required.  Therefore, all active political parties in Nilkawt are also birthday parties.


More about the Parliament of Nilkawt




Tuesday, 7 April 2015

National Anthem

Nilkawtians are predominantly Handelian in their musical tastes, hence their melodious national anthem often attempts to reflect a glorious medley of baroque sumptuousness and presumptuousness.  Most usually, however, just as when any national anthem is performed, the musicians and instruments available, not to mention the singers, are of an inadequate standard.

Similarly, just as most national anthems are rarely played or sung in full, the succinct version of the Nilkawtian national anthem is required to suffice on many occasions.  The full version, when performed at the correct tempo, lasts for approximately three and three-quarter hours.  The succinct version, on the other hand, only usually lasts for twenty-five minutes.

In international circles, there is great relief that Nilkawt never sends sporting* teams or orchestral ensembles to play anywhere outside Nilkawtian territory.  The Constitution of Nilkawt requires that the full version of the national anthem must be played whenever and wherever a Nilkawtian representative may possibly appear or be heard or be mentioned through any broadcast media, anywhere in the world.

Most national governments have consequentially urged their diplomatic representatives to draft urgent, unilaterally-applicable treaties with the Government of Nilkawt, to ensure Nilkawtians do not appear on television or on radio very often, even inadvertently.

* Further information on sport in Nilkawt

Thursday, 2 April 2015

National Parks

Most areas of Nilkawt visited by tourists are so beautiful that anyone would think the entire Nilkawtian grand duchy is a national park.  In an effort to prevent degradation of the environment, there are no polluting industries within the territory.  All waste is efficiently recycled.  All water is put to suitable reuse.  All plant and animal species in Nilkawt are effectively controlled.

There are no eucalypts in Nilkawt.  There are no pines in Nilkawt.  Bushfires are therefore avoided.  The various landscapes have a number of capabilities.  Everything has been harmoniously designed to look as natural as possible, except near the royal palace.

There are many national parks within Nilkawt, even so.  There is the Circumference Park around the entire perimeter.  There are the walking parks, to village parks, the royal parks, and the shopping parks.  There are no car parks.

All parks in Nilkawt are national parks.  They are lovingly protected, low maintenance areas, the main purpose of which is to enhance the health and well-being of the Nilkawtians and their visitors.


Wednesday, 1 April 2015

National Flag

The flag of Nilkawt has been designed to be clean, tidy and machine washable.  Its design is suitable for conversion into bed covers, cushions, floor coverings, tablecloths, sheets, towels, curtains, tea towels, crockery, stationery, upholstery, shopping bags, storage boxes and all sorts of sundry items.





The copyright of the design is owned in perpetuity by the Nilkawtian head of state.  A commercial licence is required to make or manufacture any item incorporating the design, physically and/or digitally.  A licence is also required for the public display of any items using the design, including photographs.  This applies even if the item in question is an official flag on an official flag pole.

Additional licences are required for selling items using the design, whether in pristine condition, slightly used or well worn.  Special permits must also be purchased in order to discuss the flag in any way, whether in public or private.