Thursday, 1 October 2015

Tender Processes

To tender for a government contract in Nilkawt, whether at the national or local level, it is necessary to apply for a Tendering Licence before consideration is made.

Tendering Licences always provide the Government of Nilkawt with a substantial assessment guide for all tender processes, as well as a substantial revenue stream.  This is due to the fact that a large amount of information, with various levels of fees, is always required before the licence is issued.

The prospective licensee usually needs to begin by engaging the services of a licensed provider of the relevant legal advice.  This, in itself, usually comes at a significant cost.  There are only a few licensed providers of tender legal advice.  They have the required Tender Legal Licence, which should not be confused with the Legal Tender Licence.

There is much to learn about tendering in Nilkawt.  For example, Mrs Bedbug is a well-known Nilkawtian lady in the tendering industry.  She is also well-known to all budget travellers in Nilkawt.

The lady is far more enterprising than her brother, the former Nilkawtian minister for agriculture.  Even so, the good management of land, infrastructure and society is taken very seriously in Nilkawt.

In Adelaide in Australia recently, the matter of tendering in Nilkawt was discussed in relation to plots.  A plot is just another name for a plan in Nilkawt, even when a situation involves gardening.

Mrs Bedbug is not yet officially known by any other name.  Even so, she is already unofficially referring to herself as Pet Tait O'Sullivan.  She still answers to the name of Petunia if addressed nicely, at least if you understand the plot.

Pet's expertise, and one of her pet projects, involves the advancement of her own knowledge of tendering requirements, of all sorts of governments, at least when the contracts are large enough for her to be bothered to make an effort.  Small contracts do not interest here at all.

Pet's son, Groper Bedbug, is her main, unofficial and unpaid subcontractor.  Her daughter, Frankie, has been her main legal adviser for the past five years.  Frankie also keeps up with her undercover career as a well known Nilkawtian hairdresser.

Frankie, or Francesca as she was once known, is older than her half-brother, Groper.  Her father was a lay priest, quite literally, when the young Petunia was herself, at the age of 15, considering a career either as a hairdresser or as a religious instructor in the Australian Catholic Church.

Fortunately, the soon-to-be Mrs Bedbug already knew the current Mr Bedbug as their mothers were very close cousins.  Pet's father, Pa Tait O'Sullivan, had already managed to conclude a secret and very lucrative agreement with the priest.  He also managed to persuade Mr Bedbug senior, the criminally-inclined husband of his petite sister Pattie, that a potentially valuable old painting from a nearby monastery should mysteriously disappear into the murky global art market.

The funds from the sale of the painting helped to establish the Bedbug family in the Balmain underworld in Sydney for a few years, though Mr and Mrs Bedbug never formally married, at least as far as documentary evidence is concerned.  Meanwhile, Groper was born.  No-one is quite sure who his father may have been as Mrs Bedbug had something of a drinking problem at the time.

Pet, or Petunia, whilst learning from her father, later developed an outstanding standover career in the Australian tendering and tender processing industry.  She did so by sharply undercutting the competition to such an extent that she began to win a large number of government contracts, except the most complicated ones.

She also had a large lottery win.  That meant that Pet could then send her children to the most expensive Australian and English boarding schools.  It was during that time that she decided to establish her tendering business in Nilkawt.

As Pet has never employed anyone directly, she has been able to keep her overhead costs very low indeed.  She is an expert when it comes to providing limited opportunities for subcontractors, thereby taking large fees for her minimal efforts.

Both Frankie and Groper were given every opportunity to obtain the required legal qualifications to intimidate the competition further.  Unfortunately, Groper kept failing the courses as a consequence of his own drinking problem.  That is why he became a subcontractor for various types of substandard work.

Groper has now been deported from Nilkawt for breaching his visa conditions.  He was only meant to be working in Nilkawt temporarily as a cleaning contractor but he rarely did any cleaning at all.

Two years ago, Frankie married one of the most famous Nilkawtian legal services provider, Groper Pope.  They currently have a monopoly on the provision of tender legal services, along with Mr Pope's cousin, the current Nilkawtian Minister for Peace and Justice.

Mr Pope was formerly the Dean of the Matildan School of Physical Education, Legal Traditions and Unjustifiable Wealth Transfers.

There is now an inquiry occurring into the entire Nilkawtian tendering system.