Friday, 26 February 2016

Borders and Other Boundaries

In terms of science, the borders of Nilkawt have long been formally defined Twaklinologically more than geographically.  In terms of sovereignty, and even Torrens title, the Government of Nilkawt has always acted in accordance with its legitimate extraterritorial powers.

Twaklinesque cultural definitions diplomatically mark the boundaries of appropriate interaction with Nilkawtians, and anyone else for that matter.  This is especially the case in relation to the acceptable exchange of pleasantries, hospitality and gifts.

The economic boundaries of Nilkawt exist purely in relation to Twaklinomics.

According to Twaklinomic theories, enlightened approaches to soft power enhance international affection and global prosperity while hard power and so-called smart power erode quality of life and standards of living considerably.

If your arithmetic skills are at least as good as your diplomatic skills, you may wish to acquaint yourself with the main facts about Twaklinomics:


Twaklinomics and business

Twaklinomics and investment


Nilkawt is, in many ways, relatively self-sufficient in terms of required commodities.  Its economy has been developed without dependency on outside assistance.

The Nilkawtians have developed an advanced ability to transform their own resources for future use through preservation, conservation and recycling.  They also have the well-trained and well-managed ability to encourage similar transformations elsewhere in the world.

Nilkawtians would never dump waste on anyone.  Nor would they dump unfairly subsidised products or services on anyone.

In order to protect its sovereignty, Nilkawt is a party to no bilateral or multilateral free trade agreements.  Free will is the only true basis of free trade, according the the Nilkawtian Constitution.

Nilkawt is not a party to unenlightened or otherwise outdated international agreements of any description.  This is reflected in the visa types currently on offer to potential visitors.

Wednesday, 17 February 2016

The Most Reasonable Company of Simplifiers

When people complain about red tape or traditional official ribbons, they are usually complaining about excessive complexity, fuss and obfuscation.

Members of The Most Reasonable Company of Simplifiers assist the Sublime Secretariat to ensure all administrative matters in relation to education in Nilkawt are as dignified yet simplified as possible.

The seven most senior of the simplifiers have recently been examining the business situation in the Nilkawtian county of Backoutshire.

Twenty-five of the junior simplifiers have recently been attempting to explain why, in any situation, traditional transitional arrangements are likely to be inadequate, especially in relation to the needs of the public.

Many of the middle ranking simplifiers have been involved, for many years, in the administration of the local Low Kawt courts.  They have also been involved in the design of the new cell-fee building.

The twelve most senior simplifiers were involved with the design of the royal coat of farms.

One of the junior simplifiers is currently acting as the private secretary to the chief secretary for global communications at this digital embassy.  The usual private secretary to the chief secretary is currently acting on behalf of the ambassador as the chargé d'affaires ad interim.  The ambassador herself is enjoying a well-deserved holiday at the Austrooliana Club.

The previous chargé d'affaires ad interim, Bon-Sir Doug Dada of Dada,is currently incarcerated as the first official prisoner in the cell-fee building That person is not usually permitted in Nilkawt.

Unfortunately, whilst acting as chargé d'affaires ad interim at the United Nations, that person complicated and compromised the diplomatic integrity of the Nilkawtians by impersonating the current president of Russia.  Bon-Sir Doug, who speaks fluent Russian, made a purportedly undemocratic and possibly undiplomatic speech.

Although it is not at all unusual for anyone acting as a non-Nilkawtian political leader to complicate matters in the world, the impersonation was certainly not in accordance with the simplification usually expressed by Nilkawtian diplomats.  The speech was in accordance with Russian simplification.

On several occasions between 2010 and 2012, Bon-Sir Doug became adept at impersonating the 67th United States Secretary of State, especially when wearing sunglasses.  He also became adept at hacking into that person's mobile telephone account and email server, though they were quite insignificant amongst the many hundreds of other globally interesting accounts he has hacked in recent years.

The purportedly classified information, which mostly consists of shopping lists, luncheon invitations, weather forecasts and book reviews, is now stored securely in the unofficial headquarters of the Enlightened Nations.  In the interests of openness, the items are located on a flash drive in a secret compartment at the bottom of an 18th century porcelain tea caddy in a rarely opened mahogany cabinet.

All the emails later deleted by the 67th United States Secretary of State have been saved on the flash drive, though copies of all the official email records of the United States Department of State Operations Center are stored on a flash dive in the lid of a cracked old tea pot.

The official and unofficial records of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of the People's Republic of China are stored on a flash drive wrapped in hell money.  The information is kept inside a Bakelite box used mainly for stale ginger biscuits, genuinely fake watches, jokes about North Korea, reputable data on counterfeit goods, current and secret future international agreements on intellectual property rights plus financial details of two thousand key figures in transnational organised crime networks.

Several highly experienced Nilkawtian simplifiers are currently working in extremely difficult circumstances, all around the world, both as themselves and in disguise, in person and online.  As with all true, loyal Nilkawtians, they refuse to sell or use armaments or overly sharp dining implements.  They also try to avoid using secret handshakes and heavily scented products.  They usually manage to avoid taking bribes or giving bribes or being photographed or filmed topless or dancing or singing or smiling disingenuously or pretending that smart power is any better or smarter than soft power.

The headquarters of The Most Reasonable Company of Simplifiers is obviously situated in Elegantshire, next to the company's own World Peace Gift Shop.  The simplifiers have, for many years, been at the forefront of efforts by the Reliable Retailing Association of Nilkawt to enhance the experience of shopping in Elegantshire.

The simplifiers are also the main suppliers of the refreshingly responsible retreats currently on offer exclusively to true, loyal Nilkawtians and true, loyal Australians.  Retreats in other parts of the world may also be supplied by the simplifiers in future, subject to the global security situation.

Further, in accordance with their highly advanced training and exceedingly respectable experience, the simplifiers have become the most notable supporters of the Nilkawtian constitutional monarchy.  They are therefore the most notable critics of any transition to a right royal republic.  Their key aim is to maintain stability within democracy, if at all possible.

Tuesday, 16 February 2016

Convocations of the Pretty Council

Deliberations upon the correct allocation and use of legitimate social titles in Nilkawt occur during the Convocations of the Pretty Council.  Unlike a privy council and a cabinet, the Pretty Council is a carefully selected yet democratically elected body.

Prospective members of the Pretty Council are required to pass a series of tests before being eligible to stand, walk, sit, dance, sing, recite poetry and twirl around for election.  Most members of the Pretty Council are also, therefore, Ladies-in-Waiting to Her Illustrious Highness the Ethereal Grand Duchess.

Even though there are no upper age restrictions on membership, the average age of Pretty Council members is currently only sixty-two.  In photographs and other portraits, the council members all look as they were between the ages of twenty-two and twenty-eight. 

The lowest age for membership of the Pretty Council is fifty-eight.  The oldest current member is seventy-two and a half.

Elections for the Pretty Council take place exactly two weeks after each Convocation ends.  During the election process, prospective members are expected to behave as though they are still in their twenties. 

The Convocations of the Pretty Council usually take place twice a year, in March and September.  Each lasts for twelve days. 

All members of the Pretty Council become ineligible to present themselves as prospective future candidates after completing a single, six-month term of office.

The March Convocation takes place towards the end of the traditional Nilkawtian Social Season.

The September Convocation takes place a short while before the traditional royal Ceremony of the Socially Special Sandals.  All Nilkawtian holders of senior social titles receive their new special sandals at the ceremony, which usually takes place in October.

All former members of the Pretty Council are entitled to be called Alder Ladies or, if they prefer, Elderflower Ladies.  They are often also entitled to be addressed as Viscountesses, especially if they are additionally entitled to wear Socially Special Slippers instead of Socially Special Sandals. 

Inaccurate, low quality souvenir copies of the slippers are exclusively available for purchase (by anyone with sufficient money) before, during or after a royal palace tour.

Each Convocation of the Pretty Council is presided over by the Nilkawtian Head of State herself, or one of her pretty proxies.

Outside Nilkawtian territory, many former members of the Pretty Council have been known to provide short-term employment to their own pretty proxies, most of whom are aged in their twenties.  Those proxies are required to pretend they themselves are beautiful, talented, knowledgeable and wise older ladies looking remarkably young.

Monday, 15 February 2016

Valued Time Day

Yesterday was Valued Time Day in Nilkawt.  This annual occasion is usually celebrated in a very private way, which is why mention of it is rarely made through this embassy.

This year, however, the Nilkawtian Head of State, Her Illustrious Highness the Ethereal Grand Duchess chose to spend her Valued Time Day in Australia.  Many well-informed persons are aware that Her Illustrious Highness holds a salon for world peace whenever she is in Australia.

Within Nilkawt itself, there is no reason at all for Her Illustrious Highness to bother about the rest of the world.  When in Nilkawt, it is her duty, on behalf of the Nilkawtian people, to bother about them.

Valued Time Day was instigated by a former Nilkawtian Minister for Useful Employment, Doctor Hester Proctor.  Doctor Proctor, and many of her government colleagues at the time, believed it wise to value everyone's time sufficiently on at least one day of the year.

When visiting Nilkawt, or this digital embassy, it would be wise to value everyone's time sufficiently at every moment, every day.  You may wish to do the same in Australia, or anywhere else in the world for that matter.

Valued Time Day has become the traditional day upon which new Rights and Deeds packages are handed to Nilkawtians, especially new Nilkawtians.  These packages provide the recipients with valuable information about land titles, social titles and entitlements.  They are encouraged to take the time to read and remember the information thoroughly.

The Nilkawtian Head of State is frequently responsible for making an important government announcement.  Unimportant government announcements are the responsibility of government ministers.  Very few announcements are made on Valued Time Day except for proposals of marriage, proposals of divorces and proposals of pleasant picnics with friends.

Privacy is very important in Nilkawt, whether on Valued Time Day or when a new cabinet is yet to be put in place.  Additional privacy is provided by attending refreshingly responsible retreats in Nilkawt. Many of those retreats begin on Valued Time Day.

Monday, 8 February 2016

Foreign Policy Agenda

There has been very little change in Nilkawt's foreign policy agenda for a considerable number of years, except for the development of this digital embassy.  Nilkawtian officials have always observed international relations from a safe distance.

The diplomatic strategies used on behalf of the Nilkawtian people have often avoided analysis by foreigners.

Anyone wishing to understand the foreign policy agenda of Nilkawt is advised to refer to the following documentation:

Foreign Policy Agenda of Nilkawt