Friday, 31 March 2017

Parks and Gardens

Many people visit Nilkawt primarily to admire the dramatic organic parks and remarkable organic gardens.  His Sustainableness The Viscount Twaklinton is the patron of all outdoor maintenance activities.

As husband to the Nilkawtian Head of State, Her Illustrious Highness, Viscount Twaklinton is delegated many royal duties of the rugged variety.  Whether planting trees, clearing weeds or keeping up with the latest research on soil management, Viscount Twaklinton expresses an informed approach to the tasks.  He is also a former Nilkawtian environment minister.

There are many community gardens in Nilkawt as well as private ones and public ones.  There are no lawns.  Nilkawtians have long prided themselves on their lawnless order.

There is a large export park in the county of Elegantshire in Nilkawt.  It, too, is beautifully maintained though understandably utilitarian in its purpose.  Within the export park are many grand parks and magnificent shopping facilities.

All trainee citizens are taught the basics of successful organic gardening, as well as many other useful subjects.  Most Nilkawtians grow at least a few of their own vegetables and fruits.  They are also easily able to trade the rest.

In their leisure hours, many Nilkawtians spend much time enjoying the national parks of Nilkawt.  Many visitors do the same, though the latter are frequently fined for behaving inappropriately in such places.

Many of the major settlements within Nilkawt have their own parklands.  Many parklands are tended through tender processes.  If your intention is to attempt to tender for work within Nilkawt, please ensure you are fully familiar with all the requirements before doing so.

Certainty and continuity are very important to the Nilkawtians, regardless of the weather.  This is why there are several historically-themed pleasure gardens in Nilkawt.  The further industrial development of Nilkawt is always in keeping with the appropriate preservation of natural heritage and cultural heritage.

Visitors, whether intentionally in Nilkawt or not, are reminded to uphold the laws against trespassers and other nuisances.  Safety is very important to the Nilawtians.  No self respecting Nilkawtian would trust strangers, however friendly they may seem.

Deepening acquaintances in Nilkawt is possible in many ways, especially for visitors eager to become temporary members of one or more Nilkawtian gardening club.  Several clubs combine gardening with other activities.  This particularly applies with regards to the Austrooliana Club.

Shopping for elegant fountains and statues for any suitably sized garden is usually most successful in Elegantshire.  Uniquely extraordinary sculptures are most likely to be available for purchase at the Foolya Biennale.

There are magnificently scientific and deliciously tasteful investigative gardens maintained through the Twaklinton Academy of Science, Technology and Engineering.  Only the most suitably qualified members may gain entry.

Many visitors to Nilkawt enjoy admiring the gardens and orchards of the planned communities and model villages on scheduled tours.  Unscheduled visits are not permitted.

Entry to the royal palace gardens is understandably expensive.  This is particularly the case during international conferences.

Many Nilkawtians love to garden.  They are keen to improve Nilkawt into perpetuity as no doubt you are already aware. 

Much environmental monitoring occurs throughout Nilkawt and most especially near the royal palace.  Fortunately, a referendum has never been required before conducting any sort of scientific study in Nilkawt though the nomenclature of people and places is another matter entirely.

The Nilkawtians are unwilling to advance the GDP of Nilkawt by destroying the beauty of their surroundings.  That is why they charge considerable sums of money to people seeking to visit those surroundings.

Admiring a landscape, and looking ahead in other ways, are widely respected practices in Nilkawt.

Thursday, 30 March 2017

Public Transport

Most of the transport in Nilkawt in public transport.  It is efficient and well-maintained and affordable.

There are various forms of pedal powered public transport in Nilkawt as well as solar powered public transport and wind powered public transport.  There are magnificent walking tracks, elegantly wide footpaths and appropriately dignified promenading pavements.  There are separate bicycling paths, tricycling paths and roadways.

Only public medical research assistants are eligible for free public transport.  Everyone else has access to easy payment facilities. 

There are regularly scheduled transportation connections between Nilkawt and Australia but not vice versa.  Transportation to Australia is provided in an ad hoc and immediate manner to anyone deemed unworthy to remain in Nilkawt.  The latter is obviously more expensive to the recipient than the scheduled services.

Each settlement in Nilkawt has its own transportation services, just as it has its own health institutes.

Fares for public transport in Nilkawt are paid through the Twaklincom system.

The electric powered buses, minibuses, trams and trains of Nilkawt are the most splendidly beautiful and reliable in the world.  There are no fossil fueled or bio fueled public transport facilities in any Nilkawtian location.

Wednesday, 29 March 2017


There are many leisure facilities in Nilkawt and no sporting ones.  To the Nilkawtians, sport is a vulgar, unproductive activity much like militaristic pursuits.

Leisure, to the Nilkawtians, is meant to be relaxing, not competitive or otherwise aggressive.  All leisure time in Nilkawt is usefully used.

In pleasant weather, many Nilkawtians enjoy leisurely evening promenades.  They enjoy improving themselves in well-rounded and healthy ways.  No Nilkawtians suffer from sporting injuries, of course.

Friday, 24 March 2017

Artistic Building Commission

The harmonious interplay of beauty, understanding and magnificence supplies the building blocks of every free, fair and refreshing society.  Since the territory of Nilkawt has recently expanded, the necessity has arisen to beautify the bland with a little more urgency than usual.

The Artistic Building Commission was therefore established secretly a few weeks ago.  The surreptitious nature of the development has ensured the inaugural secret commissioner could conduct his research without the unnecessary influence of vested interests.

In many societies, vested interests are the cause of much ugliness.  Those interests seek to profit by imposing their profit-motive on the landscape as cheaply and shoddily as possible. 

The arrogant over-confidence of the profit-seekers is matched by the ignorance of unimaginative officials and politically motivated philistines.  Unimaginative officials prefer glossy documentation and utilitarian practicality to contextual magnificence and relevance.  Politically motivated philistines prefer the monstrosity of grandiosity to beautiful usefulness.

The Artistic Building Commission will soon have a team of secret commissioners to identify possible improvements to the Nilkawtian built environment.  Those commissioners are likely to include enlightened landscape designers, frugal architects and former tourists.

None of the secret commissioners will be expected to sit in the cabinet.  Nor will they be expected to do any public speaking or appear in promotional videos.

It is not expected that the cost of housing in Nilkawt will rise as a consequence of the work of the Artistic Building Commission.  Nor is it likely there will be a rise in the cost of infrastructure and its maintenance. 

There could be a cost associated with urban planning, mainly due to the fact that most of the planners will require additional training in aesthetics.  However, this is likely to pay for itself very quickly in terms of increased enjoyment of the surroundings by the public at large.

All permanent housing in Nilkawt is affordable.  Much of it is also beautiful. 

In international terms, Nilkawtian permanent housing may even be considered to be public housing even though privacy and community supports are widespread and carefully maintained.  That housing is safe, secure and the surrounding areas are extraordinary well maintained though never overly pruned.

There is no housing market in Nilkawt except for temporary accommodation.  Much of that temporary accommodation is in urgent need of beautification.

Thursday, 23 March 2017


Considerable revenue is raised each year, by the local government authorities of Nilkawt, through the elocution laws, the eloquence laws and the elegance laws.  These laws apply just as much to visitors as they do to locals.

In any part of the world, visitors are reminded to respect local laws and customs.  This can cause considerable inconvenience when obliged to pass through a transit point in which unpleasant social conventions tend to be the norm.

To visit Nilkawt, for example, it is necessary to pass through Australia.  Indeed, it is necessary for visitors to have an Australian passport with which to apply for a visa to enter Nilkawt.

The language expected of all persons within Nilkawt is moderate, modern, modified, dignified, modal and well-modulated English.  Indeed, all utterances in Nilkawt, even if not language-based, are expected to be unobtrusive, with the possible exception of hiccups and privately-expressed coughs.

Testing at the Nilkawtian border can be a considerable added expense to unsuspecting visa holders.  One of the ways in which the border guards assess the validity of travel documents is through a carefully structured interview process.

Additionally, several immigration officials are likely to be disguised as visitors.  They interact with visa holders at the border to ascertain the law-abiding qualities of the persons in question.

Customs officers disguised as visitors similarly interact with visa holders.  Their job is to assess whether those persons are sufficiently aware of all forms of Nilkawtian customs.

Well before you are provided with a visa to enter Nilkawt, it would be wise to ensure you are aware of many sorts of customs, modes, modulation, modalities, modernity and modal forms.  You are also likely to find it useful to interact beforehand with many high quality, magnificently mature models of eloquence and elegance.

Further information

History of entry requirements

Participating in the royal palace tour

History of citizenship training

Institute of the Twaklinesque

Business as usual

Ballot box

Returning citizens

Wednesday, 22 March 2017

Official Fast-Track Visa Service

Waiting times for most visas to Nilkawt currently vary between thirty-five years and eighty years.  Persons, businesses and institutions with considerable financial means can overcome that seemingly perpetual wait by paying for privileged treatment.

Anyone known to have used unauthorised visa processing services will immediately be placed at the back of the queue.  The Nilkawtians do all they can to prevent scams.

Please note that there is an ongoing review of visa categories.  Any recommended changes are only likely to affect persons applying for a third or subsequent visa.  The only exception applies in relation to fast-tracked first and second visas.

Most Nilkawtian visa administrative processes are now automated.  The same cannot be said of the psychological and financial assessments of applicants.  Those processes are very expensive.  The highly knowledgeable, remarkably talented assessors have undergone considerable training before qualifying for investigative tasks.

Visa applicants are expected to cover all the costs involved in their assessments, even without purchasing the fast-track option.  Please expect to pay upwards of five million Australian dollars for the quickest service.

Visas to Nilkawt - introduction

Tuesday, 21 March 2017

Twaklinford Academy of Compatibility

In many relationships, in families, workplaces and communities, there are usually many incompatibilities.  To remedy the situation, the people of Twaklinford, being highly compassionate, highly compatible, open-minded and co-operative individuals, have recently established the Twaklinford Academy of Compatibility.

For many years, the Nilkawtians have been keen to establish scientific measures of compatibility for all their communities and workplaces.  In much of Nilkawt, the community and the workplaces are inexorably intertwined.

The main difficulties faced in Nilkawt arise when outsiders temporarily enter a community.  No outsiders are permitted to enter a Nilkawtian community permanently unless they are suitably compatible with the existing residents.

To solve such problems, the Twaklinfordians consider it helpful for everyone to visit their community before going anywhere else.  The Twaklinford Academy of Compatibility has therefore been built like a triangular city wall, completely surrounding the village. 

There are two gateways in the southern wall for the entry and exit of visitors.  There are also several secret gateways and passageways within the wall exclusively for the use of Twaklinfordians.

Until recently, Twaklinford was known, somewhat bureaucratically, as village number two.  After many years of protesting in association with neighbouring villages, by the highly creative occupants won the right to change the name of their settlement.  They also won the right to change the names of many of the features of their village.

Harmonious neighbourhood relations are highly valued in Nilkawt.

Monday, 20 March 2017

Cabinet of Commissioners

A few days ago, the results of the most recent cabinet elections were announced by Her Illustrious Highness, the Ethereal Grand Duchess, in the Thrown Room of Palazzo Twaklinilkawt.  To everyone's surprise, no ordinary, incompetent citizens were elected to any of the vacant positions.

The previous cabinet had, in secret, unanimously agreed that a great improvement in the quality of cabinet government in Nilkawt, and in many other countries, would be possible only with a cabinet of commissioners instead.  In view of this, all the current and former commissioners in Nilkawt have been appointed to the inaugural Cabinet of Commissioners.

Nilkawt has, and has had, many commissions and commissioners:

Former Humour Rights Commissioner

Independent Commissioners for Free and Fair Elections

Independent Commissioners Against Corruption

Former Trade and Investment Commissioner

Political Reform Commission

Tourism Commissioner

New Humour Rights Commissioner

Acting Interim Strategic Interests' Commissioner for Mutually Lucrative Trade and Peaceful Long-Term Investments

Reasonable Insurance Risk Commission

Thursday, 2 March 2017

Preventing Unnecessary Dependence

The constitution of Nilkawt states that the state and its people should never become unnecessarily dependent on anyone or anything.  This is why no Nilkawtian is fully employed in menial tasks.  It is also why non-Nilkawtians can usually only obtain short-term visas.

Unnecessary dependence tends to result in apathy and stagnation.  This is why apathetic foreigners are usually deported from Nilkawt well before the end of their visas.

As well as apathy, excessive worrying and excessive boredom are banned in Nilkawt. 

Anyone worrying excessively is either in need of psychological counselling or another form of remedial education.  Non-Nilkawtians should primarily seek those services outside Nilkawt.

Anyone feeling excessively bored is obviously in need of psychological counselling and remedial education.  Motivation is an important aspect of all activities in Nilkawt, as are genuine emotions.

To prevent apathy, worry and boredom in Nilkawt, a therapeutic course of training is supplied to sufferers.  It involves learning competency in a wide range of otherwise menial tasks.  Many of those skills can be acquired to an acceptable level of accomplished within a few hours, a few days or a few weeks.

The easiest skills are taught first.  They usually involve matters such as safety, hygiene, public health and environmental health.  The next level includes practical knowledge of the workings of useful equipment, most usually with the assistance of instruction manuals.

The skills are initially taught in the context of their usefulness to the sufferer.  By methodically training people to acquire an acceptable level of independence, the skills can gradually be applied in social contexts.

Initiative is required in social contexts.  Anticipating people's needs never involves imposing anything upon them. 

Inappropriate interpersonal skills are never acceptable in Nilkawt.

The aim of the training is to prevent anxiety and encourage relaxation.  In Nilkawt, relaxation never equates with laziness.  To be lazy is to be apathetic.

It is usually unnecessary to pry into why people feel apathetic, bored or worried if they can transcend those feelings quite easily through practical competencies.  The purpose of the competencies is to build both self-reliance and social usefulness.

The trainee gradually develops competencies in communication, catering, security, housekeeping, administration, construction, maintenance, horticulture and hospitality.  The training is carefully controlled, carefully supervised and self-paced.  Apathy, boredom and worry are thereby prevented.

If the anxiety levels of a person are too severe, there are likely to be significant injustices in their lives.  While apathy tends to be passively detrimental, anxiety is actively detrimental.

Justice systems are meant to alleviate anxiety whilst simultaneously preventing apathy.  To the Nilkawtians, foreigners already in possession of high levels of anxiety should not seek to visit Nilkawt.  Nor should foreigners seek to visit Nilkawt mainly with the intention of relieving themselves of boredom.

It is unlikely that apathetic foreigners will be bothered enough to apply for a visa to visit Nilkawt.  The stimulation towards motivation is lacking in apathetic people.  Arousing their interest, and their empathy, is their own responsibility. 

Preventing apathetic people from becoming a societal problem requires teamwork.  In Nilkawt, those teams consist of psychological counsellors trained as legal practitioners and legal practitioners trained as psychological counsellors.

Preventing anxious people from becoming a societal problem also requires teamwork.  Most anxiety is caused by bullying, though that is hardly ever likely to occur in Nikawt.  Bullying itself is a form of anxiety.  It displays itself as excessive ambitiousness.  Bullies are highly competitive though they rarely have the competence to match their ambitions.

Bullies fail to acknowledge that they are dependent on other people for their own perceived success.  They view other people as obstacles on the way to their own achievement.  The narcissism and grandiosity of bullies creates a great deal of anxiety in the world.  And when people feel unable to stop the bullying, they begin to feel apathetic and powerless.

Bullies believe they are better than other people.  They believe they have superiority for no other reason than achieving an advantage. 

Bullies are always failures, regardless of how much money they have managed to acquire.  They fail because they are dependent.

Bullies reject interdependence.  They do not know how to co-operate.  They do not know how to be independent.  They feed off other people's anxieties.  They are nasty.  Nilkawt therefore, quite understandably, bans them.

Wednesday, 1 March 2017

Preventing Hazards

All Nilawtians become Nilkawtians of their own volition.  No-one is forced to become a Nilkawtian.  No-one is forced to live in Nilkawt. 

Since the borders of Nilkawt have now resumed their normal status, all Nilkawtians and non-Nilkawtians can leave Nilkawtian territory on any day of the week, even during public holidays.

The Nilkawtians have long been renowned for taking corrective and preventative action towards all sorts of risks and hazards.  They know that self-efficacy and good reasoning are common Nilkawtian traits.

One of the main problems in the world is impulsiveness.  On many occasions, impulsiveness is irrational.  The Nilkawtians consider impulsiveness to be rude.  Indeed, impulsiveness is considered to be a hazard in Nilkawt.

Potential visitors to Nilkawt are currently assessed in relation to their motivation.  Their decision-making abilities are scientifically examined well before visas are issued. 

The process begins through distance education procedures.  All applicants are expected to have a considerable understanding of the neuroscience of free will.  They are also required to have a practical understanding of the theories of problem solving.

To ensure potential visitors are keenly aware of all potential hazards, and act accordingly, they must complete extensive training before being admitted into Nilkawt itself.  Only the most keen achievers are likely to be rewarded with visas.

Nilkawtians have little tolerance of apathy, lethargy and avolition.  They want to ensure their society remains a quality management system.